Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Female Superheroes/Villains

So we've seen what happens when civilian women are depicted in the comics. What about when they're given costumes?

Diamondback's (the one in the middle, and the only one I can remember because she has diamonds incorporated into her outfit) costume is perfectly passable. Maybe not that discreet for a thief, and her hair kind of pushes this into anime territory, but at least her boobs aren't hanging out like Dr. Betty's. Speaking of Diamondback's boobs, what in the world is going on with them? She looks like she hardcore bound them to her body like Carrie Fisher in Star Wars. They're like super flat and two different sizes. They're really weirding me out.

Now I know that costumes are chosen purely for the aesthetic value, but when you really think about it, how convenient would Asp's costume be? It's a tight dress with really high slits and I think her thong is hanging out. How could you do anything in that? She's a thief and an adventurer. By necessity, she's running and jumping and fighting and such. Would a dress like that really be the best choice?

All I can think of when I look at Black Mamba's leotard thing is how much that zipper must be
chafing on her chest. Ouch.

Here's a question not often addressed in the comics: what happens when you're a girl and you want to wear a ponytail while engaged in crime-fighting? Well, you do what Lady Deadpool did and cut a hole in the back of your mask, of course.

Ms. Marvel's costume is perfectly serviceable. It's a standard black leotard with black gloves and over the knee boots. What I don't understand here is the logic behind that sash. It looks haphazardly tied on, like Ms. Marvel was getting ready and was like, "This costume is too black. I need COLOUR" and then she just grabbed the first thing she saw lying around and tied it around her waist.

The more I look at her the more that stupid sash is bothering me. A lot. It's possible I'll dream about it tonight. Does she take it off at mealtimes and use it as a napkin? Does she make an impromptu lasso out of it? Does she use it to tie up criminals? I guess I'll never know.

Full disclosure: I cannot STAND Typhoid Mary. Yes, you're supposed to hate the villains, but I despise her with a vitriol that surprises even me. Plus, whenever I think about her I call her "Bloody Mary" in my mind and then I have to correct myself, which gets a little irritating. She's really annoying, and it was her fault Deadpool went psycho and hurt Blind Al and it was indirectly her fault that Weasel left for a really long time, leading to a period in Deadpool where it was a chore to read. Seriously, it got as bad as Priest's writing, and reading one of his runs was enough for me.

But let's pretend I don't hate her, and let's pretend that I'm objective. What in the world is this outfit? We've got fishnets that I imagine she would be pulling up every five seconds. We've got a belly shirt with humongous spiked epaulets. Don't those make her too top heavy to function? Her boobs and shoulders make her waist look way too tiny to be normal. And the thong or whatever she is wearing! Is it just me, or does it look like she's hiding a penis under there? It wouldn't surprise me if her gender confusion (along with her schizophrenia) is what is causing her to be a bitch all the time. I would have liked to be around when she was designing her outfit. "Yeah, I want it to be a leather belly shirt with HUGE spiked know, like old school band uniforms, but MORE HARDCORE. Also some fishnets." "Well, what about on the bottom?" "Well, what would look more attractive than a leather thong?"

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