Friday, December 10, 2010

Scariest Baby of Life

 it my imagination, or was there a premature ejaculation joke in a comic
book aimed at preteens?

In the words of my brother: "Of COURSE Plas makes a costume joke!"
But seriously...Galactus=WORST OUTFIT EVER, y/y? I'm including Canary's John Byrne redesign in this contest. You know it's bad when PLASTIC MAN, who probably has one of the worst costumes of life, can make fun of you and no one bats an eye.

...let's just say there's a reason that Joe Quesada is not a full time artist.

Monday, December 6, 2010


It's been awhile, hasn't it? Let's look at some Spider-Girl today.

You have to be really goddamn serious about your villainy to get a giant spider tattooed on your stomach and the word "REVENGE" tattooed across your chest. It's kind of funny now that Normie is friends with May. I bet every time he takes off his shirt, he's like, "Shit. Why the eff did I decide to do that? FUCK YOU, DAD."

I love Mayday to death, but this panel pisses me off. BOO HOO MAYDAY, TWO GUYS ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOUR LIFE SUCKS SO BAD.

"My uncle Ben died because I didn't act when I had the chance...also, am I hallucinating, or is there a giant ass goose over there?" What is this, Mark Trail?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

It Sucks Being Sue Storm

Sorry about the lag. Nanowrimo/school work has been kicking my ass. But I am back, albeit sporadically.

So J
aime gets into a fight with Guy Gardner. Guy and the Green Lanterns are heavy hitters and at this point, Jaime's not very experienced. As you can see from the "KRAKKA KRAKKA BOOM" he's giving Guy everything the scarab's got. Here's Guy's rejoinder:

Guy is ON FIRE and hitting Jaime with a pathetic "plink plinkida" and he is STILL awesome. I love that man.

I love this for several reasons. One, Ben is crying like a little girl. Two, I like Thor and Iron Man's little smiles. I bet they secretly LOVE weddings. Third, JOHNNY AND REED DON'T SEE THE NEED TO CHANGE OUT OF THEIR FF COSTUMES! Sue is all dolled up like the mid nineties bride she is, but Reed is all "fuck it, I don't feel like changing." I bet he was almost late because he was fighting Dr. Doom or something and didn't want to put on his tux. He's legit the worst husband ever.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Starfox: Sketchiest "good guy" in the Marvel universe

Hahahahaha, oh, how I love journalistic jokes! Here's an example of how screwed up journalists are. This woman is from Y the Last Man. She finds Yorick and makes him strip naked and hold a copy of her paper so she can write an article about the last man on earth and has the picture for proof. 355 and Yorick go after her to get the photos. She threatens them with a gun and I'm 90% sure she gets thrown out a window AND SHE STILL DOESN'T GIVE UP. She's supposed to be seen as insane and selfish, but I was kind of rooting for her. She has the kind of journalistic balls I wish I had.

This is the look of a guy who knows he's about to get his ass beat by the strongest woman in the Marvel universe and there is nothing he can do about it.

I always squee when Darkdevil shows up, but I can't really explain why. He's just such a blatant and unrepentant dick that he veers into self-parody. I think he's hilarious. There is NOTHING nice about him and he's so smug and over the top.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Daredevil is also really boring

Is it weird that I'm proud that in Y- The Last Man, the new leader of the Yakuza is a pop star from Saskatoon?

In all seriousness, Y-The Last Man is ridiculously good. It's about a plague that killed off all the males in the world except for one, and he teams up with a doctor and a secret agent to find a way to make clones to repopulate the planet. I powered through 60 issues in three days. I highly recommend it to everyone.

The only thing is, Brian K Vaughan ends every issue with either a huge revelation or a cliffhanger so you have to keep reading. At one point he started doing little 3 issue arcs, so I thought at least I could escape at the conclusion of a story arc. Turns out that no, I couldn't. Don't start reading the series unless you have about an hour to kill. Here's a text convo I had with my brother about it:

Me: The only bad thing is that Vaughan ends every issue on a cliffhanger. I want to eat but I...I can't.
Jonas: And you never will.

In Greek mythology, one of Hercules' tasks was to get the girdle of Hippolyta. I believe he seduced her to obtain it. This is why Wondy is calling Herc the despoiler of Hippolyta (who is also her mother.)

I like that they had this little interaction here, because it absolutely makes sense that Wonder Woman goes balls to the wall to take out Hercules. The Marvel Hercules is more portrayed as kind of a lovable buffoon and in flashbacks to his time with Hippolyta, he is portrayed as thinking of her fondly and not simply using her to get the girdle. The DC Hercules is a dickish rapist asshole that Wonder Woman hates. Poor Herc, getting punched in the face for something that the DC Hercules did.

"Thank God I threw the baby off the roof so that Natasha would be forced to take custody of it for its own safety!"

Since we're on the subject of Kevin Smith, I want to talk about his writing style. I've read three story arcs by him: Quiver (Green Arrow), Guardian Devil (Daredevil), and Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do. His stories have a tendency to start our pretty normal and then go OFF THE DAMN RAILS.

Quiver starts out as a mystery of sorts. Ollie comes back from the dead with the personality he had a decade ago and no one knows why. Then BAM there's all this stuff about fake gay Satanist rapists, demon pets, Hal having god-like powers, and a Heaven where all the heroes wear their costumes all the time. Guardian Devil was insane pretty much immediately, with a baby who might be either the Antichrist or Jesus but then gets MORE crazy when it's revealed that Mysterio orchestrated the whole lie about the Messiah/Antichrist solely to get Daredevil to go insane. The Evil That Men Do isn't so much insane as really uncomfortable. Spider-Man and Black Cat team up to find some heroin dealer and then it turns out that the dealer has the worst power of all time (he can teleport small amounts of liquid) and then there are back to back detailed rape narratives. I've also read a smaller story arc also featuring Green Arrow which wasn't insane but did feature a LOT of oral sex puns. At the very least, every story arc will have a "HOLY CRAP WHAT JUST HAPPENED" moment. Which I always enjoy.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Holy Frageroley

Carnage is a seriously scary supervillain. It's not because he's particularly powerful (Dr. Doom, Apocalypse, and Magneto are all more powerful) but because he is purely psychotic. Ever
y villain has SOME form of honour and play by their own twisted set of rules. CARNAGE HAS NO RULES and this makes him terrifying.

He's even visually intimidating. He's similar to Venom, only Venom could pass as somewhat human if he never opened his mouth. Carnage is humanoid but if someone told you that there was a human in there somewhere (which there actually is, and he is also crazy) you wouldn't believe it.

As a side note, Carnage was created (and presumably designed) by Mark Bagley, only furthering my previous statement that while he can't draw people for crap, he is amazing at drawing people in costumes or non-humans.

I realize that Hulk's "thing" or whatever is his indestructible pants, but if you really think about it, this makes no sense. Those jeans were once whole. When Bruce Banner Hulked out, the pants couldn't take the strain. But they ripped at the thinnest part of the leg. Would they not riparound his waist at the very least? That waistband must be reinforced with titanium.

I read a Marvel/DC crossover where characters from each universe had to fight each other to save their respective universe. Among the combatants were Silver Surfer vs. Kyle Rayner (Surfer won) Robin vs. Jubilee (Robin won) and Aquaman vs. Namor (Aquaman won.) For the most part I agreed with the winners, except for the fight I was most excited about: Wolverine vs. Lobo.

We can all agree that Wolverine is pretty badass. Healing factor, adamantium claws, and bloodlust. Lobo is less well known, so here's a bit about him. He's an alien bounty hunter who destroyed everyone on his planet for fun. He also has a healing factor and can come back to life if even just a drop of his blood exists. He once killed a god AND a devil on an alien planet. He can breathe in outer space. Once he has a goal in mind, he won't stop until it's accomplished.

I thought the fight would be epic.

Here's how the actual fight went down. Wolverine went into Lobo's favourite bar to find him. They start the fight and Wolverine defeats him in three panels OFF PANEL and it seems like Lobo doesn't even fight back.


I guess I would be okay with it if Lobo lost, if the fight was awesome and if he wasn't defeated off panel! Wolverine's hardcore, but LOBO IS INSANE. Maybe Wolverine got the drop on him somehow, but if so, why didn't Lobo's healing factor kick into gear? Lobo single-handedly committed genocide and killed a god. Wolverine can't even defeat SABRETOOTH half the time. NOT TO MENTION that he got punched about a hundred feet by a ten year old girl in Runaways. (Granted, she has super strength, but she's no LOBO.)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I don't watch anime often (only Zatch Bell or Full Metal Alchemist when the mood strikes) but my FAVOURITE part is how the protagonists are always so moody and melodramatic. Which is why I'm in love with Jimmy Yama's anime face here. Anime always does that thing where they have half of someone's face in the side of the panel, looking all broody.

Nicola Scott is the PERFECT person to draw Secret Six because she draws the prettiest Catman I have ever seen in my life.
At one point Secret Six was drawn by someone else (can't remember, and too lazy to get my trades) and it just wasn't the same because Catman wasn't beautiful. Not even the women get to be as pretty. I was going to say that Nicola Scott is incapable of drawing ugliness (since she can make even Ragdoll look cute) and then I remembered her drawing of Junior which I'm not putting here because I don't want to scar you.

I'm kind of liking Kingpin. I was always kind of ambivalent about him firstly because I hadn't read much with him and partly because he was in the horrible Daredevil movie. Anyway, he was pretty awesome in this Spider-Man/Batman crossover I read. But what in the world would you call this attack? The Hug of Horror? Cuddles of Cruelty? What are you going to tell your buddies after surviving this attack? Sure, you're pretty badass for escaping the Kingpin, but you also have to be like, "Yeah, I got these broken ribs because he hugged me really hard."

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Batroc ze Lepair!

I went on a Marvel/DC crossover reading binge. One of these days I have to post
who I would ship if they existed in the same universe all the time. Shulkie/Aquaman is but one of those ships.

I can't remember this plotline WHATSOEVER, but "Terry the robot" cracks me up EVERY time.

I love their formalwear here. VERY RARELY are women allowed to be non-slutty in comic books. Barda and Huntress both look so classy and pretty here. Nicola Scott should just draw everything, all the time.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Aquaman Gets No Love

For the love of all that is holy, Kevin Smith, please stop with the oral sex jokes. I already had to suffer through "Maybe it's time to visit Sherwood" (which yes, it means exactly what you think it means) in probably the most uncomfortable story arc I've ever read. (Actually that honour might go to Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do...or basically anything Kevin Smith writes.)

Although honestly, I guess we already know that Ollie's a fan of the puns. So at least it's in character.

Look at that! I've always felt that Aquaman is undeserving of the scorn he usually gets. HE SUMMONED SOME KIND OF DRAGON BEAST THING FROM THE SAVAGE LAND! Who says he's useless?

Also, he defeated Namor by dropping a killer whale on his head

Speaking of Aquaman, I now ship these two.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

It's an MC2 Kinda Day

Lately I've been reading a lot of MC2 universe. It's an alternate universe in Marvel set 15 years in the future and mainly features second generation superheroes.

This gentleman's name is Freebooter or some such, but my mind knows him as Batroc because of his weird little French mustache. That's J2 in the back there, the son of the Juggernaut (bitch) and some kind of annoying Quicksilver clone.

Here's a conversation I had with my brother.
Me: I hate Franklin Richards.
Jonas: So does the rest of the world. It's okay.
Franklin hasn't really done anything to make me believe he's a huge's just his whole FRANKLIN RICHARDS persona. He has this mullet and he always looks really smug. And his superhero name is PSILORD. Like, please, Franklin, be a little more narcissistic. Supposedly he's a heartthrob in the MC2 universe and May AKA Spider-Girl has a crush on him. OBVIOUSLY THE BUZZ IS A BETTER CHOICE.

This is Rina AKA Wild Thing AKA the daughter of Wolverine and Elektra, which is SO RANDOM. Anyway, I love her character design. Her hair, which is definitely reminiscent of Wolverine's but still works for her is the best part. The resemblance to her father is subtle, but still there.

I also really love her costume. I mean, aesthetically, I think it's kind of ugly. As an amalgam of Wolverine's and Elektra's costumes though, I think it's really well done. The yellow bodysuit is very her but the yellow comes from Wolverine's costume. She also has those shoulder pads/epaulettes that Wolvie has. The two masks are also similar. However, the red ribbons come from her mom's costume. You can see where each individual piece comes from, but together they make a costume that's purely hers.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Aquaman is Badass

Everyone always likes Ollie's boxing glove arrow, but I'm kind of in love with the bolas arr
ow. That takes real creativity. Or insanity. Whichever.

I'm not surprised this tool is leaning on her boob. What I am surprised is that they aren't attracting anything else in the room, as they're probably big enough to have their own gravitational field. She's got Betty level assets.

On another note, I enjoy Felicia and Spider-Man's interaction. My knowledge of their relationship is limited to a few issues of Ultimate Spider-Man and this mini series. They're like Marvel's Batman/Catwoman, except way more fun and less angsty. They banter well, they're actually friends, and they make a great team.

Here's my issue with Felicia though: why even bother wearing the mask? It doesn't hide her identity, and even if someone for some reason doesn't recognize her face, how many women in their mid-20s have long, flowing white hair?

Sad Krypto is sad:( I can't stress enough how much I love that all the Superpets have little red capes.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Prepare to dock with planet FRAG

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that Mr. Terrific turned into a nice zombie, like the one in Day of the Dead. My sister called that day to tell me that she dreamed about Spider-Man and Batman. Sigh. I have B-list dreams.

A couple things amuse me in these panels. One, Tony's stupefaction in the face of his father's ranting. Two, Howard's crazy eyes. And three, the fact that he calls Iron Man "Mr. Man." This was my favourite issue of Marvel Adventures: Iron Man. Fred van Lente is a genius.

I love this panel. This is my favourite Lobo comic of all time. I think the best part is the Hitman's understatement. He's running away from a gigantic, murderous bounty hunter with a giant chain in his hand. "Oh jeez" is really not the best phrase to use. Another funny part in the comic which I don't think I saved, was when Tommy meets Lobo in a bar. His internal monologue is something like "In fact, having nothing better to do, I read the jerk's mind." Yeah, I do that too. "I'm bored, so I'm going to read random bar patrons' minds."

Initially I saved this because I just thought Tim and Steph were cute together. Then I was wondering why Steph was mad. I stared at this for SO LONG trying to figure it out.

I'm pretty sure they're talking about cosplay.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


I saved this picture primarily because Gambit's armour is adorable. Well, everyone's is adorable, but I particularly like Gambit's, mostly because of his ins
ane hair. I also like the phrase "No, I used my English reading powers..." I'm still not totally sure who that is standing with Gambit and Cyclops. I'm thinking Rogue because she would likely be with Gambit and because of the white stripe on her head. I wish I knew definitively.

I'm not a huge fan of the Hulk. I think he's boring and all he does is go "GRR HULK SMASH" and hit things. Anything I've read with him in it doesn't bother to explore the Bruce Banner/Hulk dichotomy, they just have him and his indestructible pants wreak havoc. But what I've learned mostly from his appearance in Marvel Adventures: Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, he's very amusingly snarky. He comes off as hilariously misanthropic and as you can see here, a master of the understatement. I would read a comic solely based around Bruce, but not the Hulk.

This guy is tied with Condiment King as having my favourite power ever. His name is the Defenestrator and apparently his power is carrying around windows and smashing them over people's heads. There are so many questions: How did he come up with this gimmick? Where does he get the windows? How does he carry them? But it's Lobo, so I'll assume that the hows and whys are not important; you're just supposed to bask in the insanity.

Monday, September 20, 2010


Aquaman gets a pretty bad rap, which I don't think he really deserves. Granted, my experience with him comes solely from: Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Smallville, and Quiver (where the above image comes from) and he was pretty badass in 2/3 of those (I didn't really like him on Smallville, mostly because he dated Lois when she should have been dating Clark). Sure, he can't really do much on land, but HE'S RIDING A FRICKING WHALE. Plus he has like, a bionic arm or something because IT GOT CHEWED OFF BY A PIRANHA. If that's not badass, I don't know what is. Also, his hair is beautiful.

I love Cass and Batman's relationship. Out of the Batfamily, they're the most alike. We know from Batgirl that he looks on her like a daughter and he's the closest thing to a (somewhat sane, at least compared to David Cain) parental figure she's ever had. I get the feeling that she's his favourite of the Batfamily. I just found this picture really cute because they're both kind of lowering their defenses. Cass wants to help him (this is during the Bruce Wayne: Murderer storyline) and he is touched by that.

PS: I hate DC for that stupid storyline. The plot itself was fine, but it was spread out over a bunch of different titles. I read some in Batgirl and some in I believe Birds of Prey BUT I NEVER FIGURED OUT WHO WAS FRAMING HIM because I didn't have the other necessary titles.

This was the best issue ever of Luke Cage. Or of anything, really. Doom is charmed by Luke's audacity. And look here...HE IS ACTUALLY LAUGHING. And then he lets him escape from Latveria, because he likes him. It warms the heart. Those guys need to team up. Luke Cage is probably my second favourite Marvel title of all time. (First is Cable/Deadpool).

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Sad Tony is sad

Five below? I guess that's Fahrenheit, which is like -20 C but seriously. Cry me a river Claire. Complain when your friend wants to go outside and dig up a vodka bottle you buried a year ago and it's about -50 and frost is growing on your face and you get frostbite.

 could COVER UP YOUR CHEST. Just a thought.

My mom's proud when I like, bake cookies. And you can't be proud of your preteen son for BUILDING A ROBOT? No wonder Tony's such an asshole, with a dad like that.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Every notice how you can see Peej's boobs all the time, even if she's facing away?

Peej. Seriously. I swear to you this wouldn't be a problem IF YOU COVERED YOUR BOOBS. So far I count ONE TIME when you have appeared with your boobs covered, in your nice sweater/boot outfit combo. I don't think you get to complain about guys staring at your chest WHEN YOUR OUTFIT LOOKS LIKE THAT.

Also, I didn't mind so much because Amanda Conner's art makes me mellow and happy, but this is supposed to be a JSA comic. Why is it "Power Girl With Scant Appearances by the Rest of the the JSA"? I WANT MY JAY GARRICK, DAMMIT.

Holy crapola guys, HOW CREEPY would that be if you were faced with THAT, post-coitus? Poor Catman. Everyone just wants him for his body, never for his mind.

Ollie is so delusional. I've read the comic where he finds out Roy gets addicted to heroin, and here's what happened. Ollie finds out, gets enraged, and THROWS THE KID OUT ON THE STREET. Roy, drug addled and depressed, goes to Hal for help. Hal, being really unawesome (he's my least favourite GL for a reason), dumps Roy at Canary's place, and she helps him detox. Every time Ollie addresses that situation, he lightens it up considerably. OLLIE, YOU DID NOTHING. YOU DUMPED YOUR PSEUDO SON IN THE STREET. Weirdly, Roy gives Hal credit for helping him through, when he did nothing but pawn him off on Canary. I don't know if writers just forget this or are attempting to retcon it.