Saturday, August 28, 2010

Luke Cage is the Man

Somehow I don't think that's the way that sentence was going to end.
"Don't know what you were aimin' for, but..."
"Yeah man. I can feel it too. It works!"
"No, no, I was gonna say..."
"That I look AWESOME?"
"No, more along the lines of..."
"Luke Cage is the man?"
*Sigh* "Never mind."

I love how when faced with looking at Jason Blood's junk, Arsenal looks away in embarrassment, Canary looks like she's trying to let him maintain his decency and look away but is actually not so secretly looking, and Batman faces him down bravely, afraid of nothing.

I LOVE the B.A.D. girls. I wikied them, and they've only appeared a handful of other times, with the exception of Rachel (Diamondback) who pops up every so often in other stuff. I love how they can be so professional and "grr SRS BSNS" but at other times they say things like "poop." They need their own series ASAP.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

My Least Favourite Costumes

If you really think about it, superhero costumes are ridiculous. Can you imagine actually WEARING some of that shit, or what it would look like on an actual human being? Yeah. But, some are worse than others. Way worse.

Plastic Man

We'll start of with the worst of the worst, which is Plastic Man's costume. I love that dude. Whenever he shows up, things get fun. Like Wonder Woman, Superman/Batman (where he was pretty heroic) and Batman: The Brave and the Bold. But his costume is horrendous. It's like wearing a speedo all the time. Number 1, that's gotta be uncomfortable. Number 2, PLEASE PLAS, THINK OF THE CHILDREN. And then there's the slit in the front with the tie up. Um, it's doubtful even a GIRL could pull that off, forget a guy. He has some classic douchey white sunglasses too, but I think they fit his personality. I hope to God they never make a live action Plas because I could only watch between the slits in my fingers.

Donna Troy

Donna's outfit looks like she went to a Dazzler concert and tried to emulate her style. What she failed to realize was that no one wants to be like Dazzler. Her sparkly jumpsuit is so disco and dated. And I KNOW she has style, because her Wonder Woman costume made it to the list of my favourite costumes.


The early Robin costume (worn by Dick Grayson and Jason Todd) is awful. I don't even know what material the shorts are made out looks like alligator skin or something. Did Batman design it? And what was going through his mind when he did so? The pixie boots make him look like an idiot and I'm not really a huge fan of the collar on the cape either. Say what you will about Marvel, but they have NEVER subjected us to as much man leg as DC has.

Iron Fist

Oh, Iron Fist. Where to begin? The gigantic collar, the genie pants, the half mask, the sashes…but the worst is definitely HIS YELLOW FLATS. They’re actually cute shoes…FOR A GIRL. I was thinking about how to change his costume so it was still recognizable but so that it wasn’t as horrifying. My solution is to keep the collar but fill in the low neckline and then put on a full mask. And put on some boots or something, for the love of God. Those shoes are just embarrassing.

I still don't understand his power. Can he just punch really hard? But just with the one fist?


Hint: do not search Catman on Google images. What you see there will haunt you forever.
I am very fond of Catman and he is my favourite member of the Secret Six. His costume style isn't terrible, if a bit generic. But it seems like a ripoff of both Batman and Catwoman's costumes (fitting, I guess, since he was originally supposed to be a ripoff of Batman). But I could live with that, if the colours weren't so simultaneously horrifying and bland together.

Luke Cage

Ahh, the 70s. Where a man could wear a puffy sleeved yellow shirt and a tiara, and he was still feared by criminals. I'm not altogether fond of his "costume" or whatever now, either. It's a wifebeater and jeans I think, which is okay but it would be nice if there was some way to distinguish him as a member of the Avengers.

Power Girl

If you search for Power Girl on Google, almost all the pictures look SO PORNY.

Yes, this is mainly because of the boob window. I read somewhere that the reason she had it was because she couldn't think of a logo, so she just left it blank. I'm so sure. It's not like the logo just fits in there and doesn't have to be attached to fabric or anything. ANYWAY. The boob window is stupid and I'm not a fan of her boots.
There's something about the colour scheme that I like though. The blue is really nice. And I like the gloves on her too, for some reason. Although I'm not generally a fan of gloves.

Blue Beetle (Dan Garrett)

Dan's costume isn't terrible, but the red on top reminds me of a rooster's comb and I hate chickens, so I have this deep visceral reaction to it. I've had dreams about the chickens forming an army and storming the house.

Mr. Terrific

If he was the third smartest man in the world, he wouldn't think that costume was a good idea.

Look, I don’t even know. He has that bizarre face mask thing JUST LIKE whatshisface from Youngblood. Why would two people think that was a good idea? And his jacket that says stuff like, “Fair play” and has his name on the back, like some kind of weirdo letterman jacket. I wasn’t even aware of his existence until he randomly showed up in Wonder Woman and confused me greatly.

Black Canary

No one's happier than me that you've discovered modesty, Dinah, but GEEZ.
While there are issues with her traditional costume, Dinah makes the list because of her brief costume redesign in the 80s. According to Wikipedia, it has a "bird motif" except I can't see anything bird-like except the fact that it makes me want to vomit like a bird vomiting up worms for its offspring. It's...JUST LOOK AT IT. There are no words.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I didn't think it could get worse than Dazzler

I'm disenchanted with Joss Whedon for a number of reasons, which is another essay in itself. You would think he would be the best choice to helm Runaways, but that turned out not to be the case. I didn't really mind his whole time travelling plotline, if he DIDN'T JUST COMPLETELY DROP THE PLOTLINE THAT Brian K. Vaughan HAD STARTED. Heinberg's last issue ends with Tony crashing their hideout. And then...nothing. Joss just ignores it. So we never find out why Tony was there. Yes, the transition between writers can be choppy (the worst one I think of right now is the transition on Deadpool between Joe Kelly and Christopher Priest, but at least Kelly wrapped his plotline up first) but I have never read a comic in which the successor just completely drops the established plot. That just seems to show a real lack of respect for the previous writer. It's like Joss is going, "VAUGHAN, YOUR PLOTLINE HAS NO CHANCE OF BEING AS AWESOME AS WHAT I'M THINKING, SO IMMA SCRAP IT COMPLETELY."

But okay, I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is this girl above, who has the power of, I shit you not, dancing on air when she hears music. Sure, she can kick people in the face when she rises in the air, but SERIOUSLY? SHE DANCES. ON THE AIR. Goddamn that's even a worse power than Dazzler's. At least Dazzler parlayed that into a viable disco career that has outlasted disco.

Sure, this is a pretty cute page (especially for a comic in which 99% of it involves punching people or things) but it becomes less cute when you realize that it's been established that Luke Cage weighs 300 pounds and his skin is comparable to steel. So I guess my question is, why doesn't Clair have a broken back? Maybe she's a mutie too. PLOT TWIST.

My brother is currently trying to convince me that Kyle Rayner is the awesomest Green Lantern, but would Kyle calmly extinguish his flaming hair with his fingers? I don't think so! Guy's the man, and he always will be. He's also rockin' that turtleneck. Me likey.

Holy H-E-double hockey sticks, Knockout's hair is roughly the same height as a ten year old child. That's A LOT of hair. I wish I knew her secret to volume.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Happy Hundredth Post

I'm not a huge fan of Brian Michael Bendis, but I really, really, enjoy little moments like this.

"Be quiet while Doom dances for you! Behold, the electric slide!"

None of these people are my favourite incarnations of the Batfamily (that would be Tim, Bruce, and Cass, respectively) but they're my favourite Batfamily as a whole. Dick is darker as Batman than he ever was as Nightwing, but he's never as serious or intense as Bruce is. I love the dynamic between Damian and Steph. They bicker like brother and sister (although I never remember my brother attacking me with a sword, or defending myself with a bo staff). Dick seems to genuinely care about the younger members of the family, whereas Bruce tends to look on them as tools. Plus, there's the dialogue when they confront a crazy woman obsessed with gambling.

Damian: Game over.
Steph: Don't be lame.
Dick: Shh. He's learning.

They just seem like family. I like it.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

It takes him four steps just to put on his mask

Now I know this featureless face is the Question's
schtick, or whatever...but it seems way
easier to just wear a mask.

That is the saddest human transformed into a werewolf transformed into a talking dog who is known as a Stargod that I have ever seen.

The thing with She-Hulk and Stargod bothered me because first of all, he didn't like her in her She-Hulk form, and if you're going to marry someone, you should accept every part of them, you know? Second, lots of people called Jen a hypocrite in that she didn't like John in his Stargod form. Think about it for a second: the difference between the two situations is that only one is committing bestiality here.

There's just something that really tickles me about the phrase "That's why you get the medium bucks."

In other news, I'm going to cheat on my new husband, the Condiment King, with Slyfox, who I persist in calling Slylock Fox in my head.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Will you ride on my magic clamshell?

Cass does not question things.

I very much enjoy the phrase "*&^$( magic clamshell!" Because really, there's no way to make that NOT sound ridiculous.

I really liked the art in this Lobo mini. It's VERY reminiscent of Quentin Blake's work on the Roald Dahl books and I think really captures the horror/comedy of anything starring Lobo.

Tim has always been my favourite Robin. I never thought I would like Damian. From what I could gather, he seemed to be kind of a psycho. But then I read Steph's Batgirl series, and I LOVE him. He IS a psycho, but somehow that just makes him funnier. The above image cemented my affection for him. Steph is talking to a guy she likes, then he mentions the Omen fanboy watching her. Cut to this panel, which is so over the top evil, it's hysterical. Damian and Steph's interaction is like a bickering brother and sister, which I love. Coupled with Tim's dismal appearance in the series (he was so SRS BSNS GRRRRR), and I might have a new favourite Robin.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Nilbog! It's Goblin backwards! This is their kingdom!

Evidently Arnold from Troll 2 has made an appearance. "They're eating her. Then
they're gonna

I love Jon's expression. He's like, "Please don't look at me, please don't look at me, please don't look at me..."

I think Dr. Doom is probably the first villain to realize that spiders are NOT insects. They are in fact, arachnids. He truly is the smartest person in the Marvel U.