Friday, April 23, 2010

Sleeper Agent Penguins

I read an article comparing Cable and Deadpool that said that Deadpool is a comical character who is at his best when he is being serious, and Cable is a serious character who is at his best when he's being funny. I was initially going to compare Batman to Cable but then realized that Batman is almost never funny. He is, however, at his best when he is helping others. When he helped Booster of his loss (again) of Ted, it was one of the highlights of Booster's series. And here, he has accused Huntress of betraying her friends but Oracle and Canary refuse to believe it. Huntress proves to Batman that she was helping them all along, and you can tell Bruce really really hates eating crow, but he knows that it will make Helena feel good to be complimented, and obliges her. He may look and act scary and intimidating, but deep down he's a good guy. Another heartwarming Batman moment:

He may sometimes treat them like crap, but he deeply cares about the Bat Family. Batman is almost always stoic, but it's in these little moments where he shines.

And on to lighter topics:

From Blue Beetle, I present the MANCHURIAN PENGUINS! Penguins as sleeper agents=one of the best ideas in comics in recent years, ever.

Lex is now president of the United States. A piece of Krypton is hurtling towards earth and he orders Superman and Batman to be kidnapped because he's blaming the meteor on them. He sends word that he's captured them, and Nightwing, Robin, Superboy, Huntress, and two other girls I don't know go to capture them.

Anyway, Nightwing, Robin, and Huntress sneak into a room and [I can't remember from the comic, but from this panel it looks like] Lex falls down from the ceiling (with the hilarious sound effect KRAKA-THOOM) to confront them and ask where Superman and Batman are.

I thought Lex was supposed to be the smart one. Obviously everyone thinks Superman and Batman are at the White House, or they wouldn't have come to rescue them. Great plan, Lex. You should just go back to stealing forty cakes.

That's as many as four tens.

And that's terrible.

Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm the Goddamn Batman

I'm always unsure whether or not to recommend All-Star Batman. It's really, really bad, but it's also kind of hilarious. So I'm like, "Read it! It sucks a lot! " and then people get confused.

Anyway, here's the original image. Now, I'm not a Batman expert or anything, but I don't think Batman would ever say "retarded."

What I enjoy about this meme is that various writers have incorporated it and made fun of it, much like how everyone makes fun of Rob Liefeld now (which will come later). Like Gail Simone in Birds of Prey:

My favourite instance of this meme is in an issue of Superman/Batman. Chibi versions of the Justice League are let loose in our world, and the little Batman is just as angsty as his big counterpart.

But poor chibi!Batman doesn't get to even finish the sentence. Big Batman is thinking, "Goddammit, it was ONE TIME, and no one ever lets me forget it!"

Another example of writers being aware of their audience is when they make fun of Rob Liefeld, which is pretty much all the time.

From Fabian Nicieza's Cable/Deadpool, this isn't strictly an example, but everyone knows that Rob Liefeld loves his pouches. He can't not have been thinking about Liefeld when he wrote this.

From (I believe) Jimmy Palmiotti's run on Deadpool, we have the two old ladies who offer Deadpool the use of a very big and complicated gun called the Liefelder.

And most blatantly of all:

On Daniel Way's run on Deadpool, he actually turns and addresses Rob Liefeld, making fun of his obsession with pouches.

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Or you know, really weird eyes.

Where are their pupils? WHERE ARE THEIR PUPILS?

That guy on the right valiantly defending Tony's honour is freaking me right out. His eyes are two different sizes.

Meanwhile, Tony is so angry he's having a stroke, as evidenced by the fact that one of his irises is way, way bigger than the other.

And just because I can:


Saturday, April 17, 2010

I'm from Wisconsin. We make cheese.

It tickles me to no end that Deadpool has a ringtone that goes "Deadpool is so awesome!" I know for a fact that a ringtone like this wouldn't exist, so I can only assume that Deadpool made it himself.

I want to be in a situation where I can say "Get medieval on his buttocks!" Side note: Is that Howard Stern?

"And by 'people,' I mean 'Robin.'"

Friday, April 16, 2010

Top 10 Comics Supporting Characters

I'm going to try something I'm hoping to make a weekly installment, provided I can think of enough top 10 lists. Today's list is the best supporting characters in comics. These are characters who have not been major characters in other comics, otherwise I would have included Ted in Birds of Prey or Beast in Cable/Deadpool or Guy Gardner in Blue Beetle. Also, these are from comics I've read, which is why Alfred isn't there (while he's pretty hot in All-Star Batman, he's also not really Alfred) or Aunt May or any of the other iconic supporting characters.

10. Misfit (Birds of Prey)

Misfit is a homeless teenager with the ability to teleport. She initially wants to be the next Batgirl, but Babs is a total bitch to her (including showing her autopsy photos of Steph, the previous Batgirl) and Misfit gives up on being Batgirl, but not on fighting crime. She tends to teleport into random situations to help the Birds, much to the chagrin of Babs. She's also fond of yelling "DARK VENNNNNNNNNNGEANCCCCCCCCCCCE" for some reason. She's naive and inexperienced, but her enthusiasm is so endearing you can't help but love her.

9. Headpool (Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth)

Headpool is the zombiefied head of Deadpool. AIM tried to capture him (it?) for a weapon, but Deadpool and Betty stole him. He's just like Deadpool but he seems to be more lecherous, even hitting on Betty multiple times. Headpool has no body, and he still thinks he has game. He also doesn't see his lack of a body as a problem. That takes balls.

8. Skeets (Booster Gold)

The awesomeness of Skeets was detailed here. He's some kind of security droid that Booster stole from the museum where he worked and now he's a sidekick of sorts to Booster. He's no pansy and joins in fighting whenever he can. He's also probably the one who understands Booster the best, even more than Rip and Michelle sometimes. He's kind of like Alfred crossed with Mr. Butlertron.

7. Monty (Deadpool)

Monty is a somewhat crippled clairvoyant and despite being basically a skeleton who has hardly seen the outside world, he's probably the most grounded and wise character in Deadpool's supporting cast, with the possible exception of Blind Al. He's the one who predicted that Deadpool would be the one to save the world and is involved with L, L, and L until Deadpool kidnaps him for some reason and then they have some zany adventures involving the Black Talon. Monty could have been a cliche of an all-knowing psychic, but he's snarky and he's generally one of the only people who can handle Deadpool. He's also a rare example of a happy ending in the Deadpool verse: he gains a new lease on life when he's thrown out a window and then he has his memory erased but eventually he gets the girl and leaves to start a new life. I think he needs to show up in the new Deadpool ongoing. DO YOU HEAR ME, WAY?

6. Weasel (Deadpool, Cable and Deadpool)

Weasel is Deadpool's best friend and tech support. They have a weird relationship: Deadpool is sometimes extremely abusive of him, but they prove their loyalty to each other time and time again. Weasel went to jail for Deadpool, and it was revealed that Deadpool TiVo'd every episode of Battlestar Galactica when he was in the slammer. One of their best interactions comes after Deadpool eviscerates Agent X:

Weasel: Oh. You spelled 'Hi Weasel' with his intestines.
Deadpool: I knew you'd peek!
Weasel: That was...kinda nice, Wade.

Sums up their relationship in a nutshell. Weasel is as adept at getting himself out of sticky situations as Deadpool is sometimes. Weasel was kidnapped by HYDRA and executed a plan which involved pretending to help HYDRA and instead equipping them all with teleporters that would take them straight to Guantanamo. He defeated HYDRA single-handedly. Granted, they're a bunch of morons, but still, they greatly outnumber him.

5. Paco and Brenda (Blue Beetle)

Paco and Brenda are Jaime's best friends and they occasionally help him out with his crime fighting. Proving you don't need some alien scarab to be a badass, this is after Brenda attacks an alien and Paco finishes him off by hitting him with a stick. The aliens have giant motherships, guns, and presumably extensive training. Two teens can take him out with a stick. They're both fearless in the face of anything and they don't have the advantage of superpowers.

4. Outlaw (Deadpool, Cable and Deadpool, Agent X)

Outlaw is an expert markswoman with some degree of invulnerability. She's a mercenary who first briefly appears in Deadpool and then is a prominent character in Agent X. (We won't talk about how she was vastly underused and OOC in Cable/Deadpool). She's unique in that she's probably the only comics female who admits to plastic surgery. She's badass and fearless but also compassionate and empathetic to others.

3. Jaime's Family (Blue Beetle)

Jaime's parents knew about his superpowers from the start and their attempts to parent a superhero are one grounding aspect of the series. His whole family is also pretty badass. Here's a partial list:
Bianca: Confronted Guy Gardner and won, confronted Peacemaker and won, joined in the fight against the alien despite (presumably) having zero training.
Berto: Fought off aliens despite needing a cane, fought off zombie things with his cane.
Milagro: Utterly unimpressed by Guy Gardner, kept somewhat calm during an alien invasion, Boostle shipper.

I really like Jaime's family dynamic. His parents are supportive of him fighting crime and yet they still set boundaries and Jaime is respectful of those boundaries. They don't bat an eyelash at whatever comes at them. Milagro just kind of goes with the flow with what's going on, whether it be aliens or supervillains.

(Side note: I love how confused and indignant Guy looks. It took me awhile to figure it out, but I think it's because Ice is hugging Booster and not him. I can just imagine how that must be killing him. Keep smiling, Booster. Guy's gonna get his revenge one of these days.)

2. Blind Al (Deadpool)

Blind Al is blind old lady kept prisoner by Deadpool. Deadpool mocks her and plays mean tricks on her but she never backs down and she always gives as good as she gets. Deadpool needs someone in his life who doesn't let him get away with everything. Even after he went psycho she knew what she was doing and she got Deadpool to apologize to being nice and doing everything he asked. She's the snarkiest old lady this side of Dorothy Zbornak, and I love her for it.

1. Bob (Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool v2)

Bob is a HYDRA agent who was kidnapped by Deadpool. He joined HYDRA for the health plan and primarily learns how to hide from danger. He's loyal to and has a kind of hero worship for Deadpool, who treats him like a puppy who insists on following him around. He has a tendency to get hurt in his duty as Deadpool's sidekick of sorts, but this doesn't stop him from following Deadpool wherever he goes.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Chickens are the devil's children

Getting the obvious dick joke over at the beginning...

I wonder whose schlong is bigger: his or Dr. Manhattan's?

And in the inappropriate laughter category...

I saw this and thought, "Hahahaha, Bart fell asleep when he's supposed to be guarding something!" and then I read the article underneath that, which was talking about Bart's death. Whoops. I still laughed though.

This made me squee with joy:

Jaime has to fight Ted's old enemies, and who do we see but...FIREFIST, THE INCENDIARY MAN! To jog your memory, here's the original, from the 1986 Blue Beetle run:

Best melodramatic villain ever.

Jaime's certainly correct in his facial expression. I have the same one whenever I'm forced to be within ten metres of chickens. I hate those damn things and I have ample reason to, but those are stories for another day.

I've never heard chickens go "kikiriki" before. Maybe "I'LLSEEYOUINHELLBITCHES", but never "kikiriki."

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Inadvertent Cameos

From Birds of Prey, we have the incredible tale about how Alan Moore is amazingly hard to kill, perhaps because he's magical? Discuss.

From Blue Beetle, an incredibly angry BRIAN BLESSED.

Little known fact: Dan Garret was actually Indiana Jones.

Isaac Asimov has taken a level in badass, although his famous muttonchops are still in evidence. Bonus cameo: everyone's favourite gay cowboy!

From left to right: a stripper version of Xena Warrior Princess, Abraham Lincoln, King Solomon, Batboy, and Mimi Bobeck.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Blue Beetle Jaime Reyes

I wish I could explain to you guys how monumentally awesome the new Blue Beetle is. His name is Jaime Reyes and he's a 16 year old boy living in Texas. He is such a breath of fresh air in the DCU. Usually, Marvel has the corner on more grounded heroes, but Jaime Reyes told his friends and family immediately about his superhero status and relies on them all throughout his adventures. Jaime banters just as well as Spider-Man and the series is awesome, hilarious, and heartwarming by turn. Especially the recent end to the first story arc. Among the awesomeness, Jaime's parents and family fight aliens, his friend Brenda single-handedly takes on an alien, Guy Gardner shows up and is awesome like he always is, Jaime single-handedly takes out the aliens while naked, and Brenda's aunt (the local crime lord) comes in with the cavalry while trying to get Brenda to forgive her for not telling her about being a crime boss.

Also, Jaime's mom intimidates Guy Gardner. GUY GARDNER.

Best mom in comics.
Brenda: She's...she's...
Jaime's dad: The reason I never have to raise my voice.

All I can think of when I read this is when Deadpool was fighting Wolverine and Wolverine gives this whole big speech in a single leap and someone comments on it, and Dr. Bong goes, "Yes, we believe that is a mutant superpower."

Here's what I mean about Jaime being a breath of fresh air. He stays to apologize to law enforcement about destroying a town, and the question that is rarely brought up is addressed: who exactly pays to fix all the collateral damage when superheroes fight?

Also something that I just remembered is Jaime has said a few times that he doesn't know how to fight. Lots of superheroes become superheroes and then they're like the best martial artists ever. But Jaime's a teenager. Why would he know how to fight? Even in All-Star Batman, Dick Grayson (age 12) takes out Hal Jordan. Granted, he was weakened by the yellow, but still. If I become a superhero tomorrow I wouldn't know how to fight anything.

There's an exchange you never see.

Is this really the best time to be telling that story, Peacemaker?
It took me a second to realize that Zatanna's spell was "python in pants." WORST TRICK EVER.

Monday, April 12, 2010


This is really, really morbid, but I actually really like this cover. My love for camp is satisfied with "The blue and gold will finally be reunited...IN DEATH!" But the rest is just so awesomely creepy. Booster front and centre about to be hanged by his best friend, the grey colour, the creepy tree and moon, and the abomination that is zombie Ted. This is all capped off by the simulated blood spatter on "Blackest Night" which is, of course, a reference to the Green Lantern oath. It's just all so macabre but still fits in with the plotline of the comic.

Three of my favourite characters together, on one cover! I'm also about 73% sure that this is when they fought the Condiment King, so I just have a lot of love for this issue in general. Lots of the Chuck Dixon covers had this kind of faux-painted quality that I quite liked.

When Spidey and Deadpool are together, Spidey is usually just dumbfounded by everything Deadpool says or does so this cover does a great job of being emblematic of their relationship as a whole.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

"Knock knock?" "Who's there?" BOOM.

I'm in a crappy mood, so today will be pictures that make me happy.


If I remember this storyline correctly, they genetically engineered these Skrulls from Deadpool's DNA. So the question that I have is, is that their skin or did they make a bunch of Deadpool costumes for the new Skrulls?

Not only are there dinosaurs in downtown Manhattan, which is awesome enough, but they are infected with the Carnage symbiote. CARNAGE DINOSAURS. MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING FROM AWESOME.

Dick Grayson is the first Robin and we share a name (Robin, not Dick) so I've always felt fond of him. Which is why I'm glad he grew up so well!

I'm just trying to ignore the little Robin screaming on the left there.

I love how Hawkman looks all stoic and Ted and Booster are just beaming. I LOVE THOSE TWO.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Sasquatch is Canadian

You're making a Canadian superhero team, and you want one of the members to resemble something that is immediately recognizable as Canadian. Is it a beaver? Is it Ogopogo? Is it poutine? Nope, it's Sasquatch of course! I'm simultaneously amused and horrified by his chiselled abs and nipples. I love his hilariously mundane first name but I'm most amused by the fact that his last name is Langkowski, an Eastern European name. I'm actually quite surprised at how realistically Canadian Sasquatch actually is. I grew up in a small town where probably 90% of the inhabitants had recognizably Eastern European names, including me.

Also amusing: his expository thought bubbles.

Whenever I look at this picture all I can think of is Deadpool in The Hulk vs. Wolverine going, "STRIKE A POSE!"

When I first read this, I thought Huntress was saying "you have no contraception." I tried to imagine what situation would prompt her to say that. She's canonically kind of a whore, so maybe she hit on Savant and then was unspeakably angry when he didn't have a prophylactic. Or maybe she was so angry because he NEVER had any contraception and she didn't want to face the possibility of Savant passing on his psycho genes to any offspring.

And, shaking things up a bit, I present a screen shot from Wolverine and the X-Men:

I won't lie to you: I'm a little in love with Mojo. He's hideous, but how can you hate him when he looks so gleefully evil?