They even sort of have matching outfits

So I'm reading New Avengers and there's this page with a crapload of Marvel characters and I'm squeeing over my favourites: "Thor! Herc! Howard the Duck???"

There is nothing about Luke Cage's solo series from the 70s that I don't love. NOTHING.

I have a somewhat shameful secret: I totally ship Wildcat and Catwoman.

I wasn't even aware they knew each other until this JSA comic where Ted gets beaten up and Catwoman nurses him back to health. Apparently he trained her (something else I noticed: does Ted exclusively train attractive vigilante women?) and they're buddies (he shows up in Gotham City Sirens and they spar). Anyway, after this issue, I was totally sold on the match. They evidently like each other, they're both rough around the edges, he's still totally smokin' for a, what 60 year old man? Plus they both have a cat motif. It's a match made in heaven, I'm telling you. I think they're so cute together. Plus, I already HARDCORE ship Batman/Wonder Woman and this very conveniently removes Catwoman from the picture. Much like my Batman/Wonder Woman ship, I don't have a WHOLE lot of basis for the match, but it just seems right to me, somehow.

ETA: Possible Wildcat/Catwoman phone sex. I want this ship to be canon so bad.

Vic is alive in my mind, along with Barda and Ted and Luke's old wardrobe

Much like a lot of stuff with Lobo, I feel kind of bad for laughing at this, but come on.

Okay, I love the Black Marvel family (at least until SPOILER Isis and Osiris get killed by Sobek the talking crocodile and Adam goes on a bloody rampage). As said before, I'm a sucker for bad people who get redeemed through the power of love. I SHOULD think this proposal is sweet but HOLY CRAP WHAT'S UP WITH HIS SMILE??? I hope it's the artist's intention to make it as damn creepy as possible, because holy crap.

PS: The main reasons I was reading 52 were a) Booster Gold, b) the Black Marvel storyline, and c) The extreme awesomeness of Vic Sage. As of issue 45 or so, Booster only shows up sporadically; two thirds of the Black Marvel family are dead, the third is killing people willy nilly in a bloodlust fuelled rage, and Sobek the talking crocodile - formerly my favourite character - is crazy evil; and Vic is dead! So I've kind of slacked off in reading 52. Not even Lobo as a space-priest with a space dolphin sidekick can keep me reading. Plus there's the fact that at any given moment I have no damn idea what is going on or why everything is related. I had the same problem with Trinity, except the Dreambound, Gangbuster, and Hawkman were sufficiently awesome to keep me reading.

Yes, Canada needs superheroes because YOU KILLED ALPHA FLIGHT OFF PANEL, BENDIS! Dammit.

As a side note, how AWESOME would it be if Luke and Jess relocated to Toronto permanently and fought crime there? Rhetorical question: it would be super awesome. Squirrel Girl could join them as a live in nanny and maybe Iron Fist could branch out his business internationally and move to Toronto. Maybe the Daughters of the Dragon could join them, restart their PI business, taking Jess on as a partner. Best comic ever.

They join Shulkie/Aquaman on my list of ships that will never happen

This is hands down my favourite panel of 52 ever, and this is a comic that has Lobo followed around by a space dolphin. I cannot tell you how much I wish I had the opportunity in real life to hear "This is Sobek, the talking crocodile. He's my best friend." Brilliant. I also appreciate Gar's and Raven's shocked looks. You'd think with all the crap they've seen, a talking crocodile would be nothing to them.

I love love love the Black Marvel family and I absolutely cannot explain why. I think I'm just a sucker for bad people redeeming themselves, especially if it involves the power of love.

Background: the Avengers go to the ghetto and just stand there, and everyone's like, "wtf?" Luke explains for the cameras that sometimes police will send squads to bad neighbourhoods and just kind of stand around in order to scare off thugs, and this is what they're doing. I love the dramatic leadup and then the kind of anti-climactic conclusion to his speech though: "We are going to come to your neighbourhood! And we are just going to stand there!" Luke, that doesn't sound as epic as you think it does.

I confess, for a split second when that chick on the left mentions setting Dick up with a Tabitha, I had a brief moment of "BOOM BOOM???" I now ship those two, FYI. So wrong, and yet SO AWESOME.

Marvel Mania

I've been reading a ton of DC lately and devoting most of the blog to it, so I thought I would turn my attention to Marvel today.

Jessica's a BAMF. She needs to show up in more things. There's something very interesting and unique about a character who has superpowers and yet refuses to use them most of the time. Most superheroes suddenly KNOW how to fight and are good at it, but Jessica never was, really. I like how her series deals with her kind of trying to find her place in the world if she has no aptitude for fighting crime. I also like that she will still kick ass if necessary. Also, I kind of just realized how stupid most of Marvel's villains look. Kang's a tiny bit less weird looking then Galactus, but not by much.

Luke uses some...interesting terms for the FF. Also, this is part of the best storyline in comics history, where Doc Doom skips town without paying Luke for a job, and Luke breaks into the Baxter Building, fights the FF, and takes one of their jets that he magically knows how to fly and goes to Latveria to get his 200 bucks. Power Man may not be the best comic ever made, but if I was stuck on a desert island and had to pick one comic, that would be the one.

Allegedly Mandarin is a pretty strong foe, and a formidable enemy for (I believe) Iron Man, but that doesn't stop him from looking ridiculous. He's like Mr. Miyagi dressed in an ornamental kimono floating in the air for no apparent reason.

I can't think of Sherwood Forest the same way.

So much about this that I love. Doom didn't have enough foresight to make his armour impervious to repeated blows. Luke is the only - repeat, THE ONLY - person to e

ver try this. Doom's face whe

n his circuitry breaks down. And later on Doom is completely charmed by Luke Cage and shows him a secret passageway out of his castle and lets him escape Latveria. I smell sitcom.

Come on, DC, you already have one skank with a boob window, and her name is Power Girl.

Yeah, they did a lot more than that, chibi!Canary, but you're too young to hear about that.

My, my, aren't we bloodthirsty?

Luke Cage: the gift that keeps on giving. This dude lost his hand and had it replaced WITH A MACE. That takes a spectacular lack of foresight. For instance, how does he wipe? Cook? Type?















This is, hands down, the best letter ever sent to the comics pages. It starts out normal enough: "Dear Spider-Girl: I just wanted to say, yaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhoooooooo! What a great ride this has been so far!" Okay, normal letters fare...then it goes COMPLETELY OFF THE RAILS. I talk about Kevin Smith's stories going off the rails, but this is more insane than (spoiler) Ollie's rich benefactor turning out to be a Satanist who conjured a demon who turned out to be his grandson's best friend and then later getting eaten by said demon. The letter then continues: "I can't wait to see how Peter and MJ will die and what other tragic things will happen in May's life."

WTFFF?? I'm so glad I read the letters pages because this made me laugh SO HARD, you don't even know. Who says that? The best part is that it starts out so happy and then keeps that happy tone throughout the whole insane letter, even when he's talking about how he can't wait to see Peter and MJ die.



















Poor J'onn. He doesn't argue. He just takes it like a man (Martian).

The Lukey or the tiger?

Don't ever tell me Luke Cage isn't the most awesome hero of all time: HE PUNCHED

A TIGER IN THE NECK. The confused "ROWR?" is just the icing on the cake.

And here, in a nutshell, is why I love Joe Kelly as a writer: Plastic Man as Flash being crushed by his long lost son who has taken the shape of a giant dinosaur. The sound effect, coupled with the giant dinosaur rear end and just the boots showing is the best. That panel could not be more perfect.

There's so much about this that I love. Zatanna's no doubt hilarious story, Ollie and Clint's battle of the trick arrows (seen over Zatanna's head in panel 1), Shulkie cheering on arm wrestlers, and perhaps most of all, Guy being yelled for his dirty thoughts by Moondragon, who is probably stronger than he is, even with his power ring.

But what happens if he has to wipe?

Luke Cage: Home of the best villains of all time. Don't believe me?

Senor Muerte! Spins a little thingie on his chest and then forces you to pick which hand to shake...choose poorly, and you get ELECTROCUTED. He's kind of like Two-Face mixed with Anton Chigurh with a huge helping of lame. But it's so lame it's also kind of awesome. It also occurs to me just now that he could definitely have been played in a movie by Billy Dee Williams back in the day. Probably even now.

Luke Cage: confident in his masculinity.

This may be the best cheesecake shot I've ever seen.

Batroc ze Lepair!

BATROC AND BATMAN! THEIR INTERACTION IS GLORIOUS!

I went on a Marvel/DC crossover reading binge. One of these days I have to post

who I would ship if they existed in the same universe all the time. Shulkie/Aquaman is but one of those ships.

I can't remember this plotline WHATSOEVER, but "Terry the robot" cracks me up EVERY time.

I love their formalwear here. VERY RARELY are women allowed to be non-slutty in comic books. Barda and Huntress both look so classy and pretty here. Nicola Scott should just draw everything, all the time.

OutRAGEOUS

Aquaman gets a pretty bad rap, which I don't think he really deserves. Granted, my experience with him comes solely from: Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Smallville, and Quiver (where the above image comes from) and he was pretty badass in 2/3 of those (I didn't really like him on Smallville, mostly because he dated Lois when she should have been dating Clark). Sure, he can't really do much on land, but HE'S RIDING A FRICKING WHALE. Plus he has like, a bionic arm or something because IT GOT CHEWED OFF BY A PIRANHA. If that's not badass, I don't know what is. Also, his hair is beautiful.

I love Cass and Batman's relationship. Out of the Batfamily, they're the most alike. We know from Batgirl that he looks on her like a daughter and he's the closest thing to a (somewhat sane, at least compared to David Cain) parental figure she's ever had. I get the feeling that she's his favourite of the Batfamily. I just found this picture really cute because they're both kind of lowering their defenses. Cass wants to help him (this is during the Bruce Wayne: Murderer storyline) and he is touched by that.

PS: I hate DC for that stupid storyline. The plot itself was fine, but it was spread out over a bunch of different titles. I read some in Batgirl and some in I believe Birds of Prey BUT I NEVER FIGURED OUT WHO WAS FRAMING HIM because I didn't have the other necessary titles.

This was the best issue ever of Luke Cage. Or of anything, really. Doom is charmed by Luke's audacity. And look here...HE IS ACTUALLY LAUGHING. And then he lets him escape from Latveria, because he likes him. It warms the heart. Those guys need to team up. Luke Cage is probably my second favourite Marvel title of all time. (First is Cable/Deadpool).

Sad Tony is sad

Five below? I guess that's Fahrenheit, which is like -20 C but seriously. Cry me a river Claire. Complain when your friend wants to go outside and dig up a vodka bottle you buried a year ago and it's about -50 and frost is growing on your face and you get frostbite.

Or...you could COVER UP YOUR CHEST. Just a thought.

My mom's proud when I like, bake cookies. And you can't be proud of your preteen son for BUILDING A ROBOT? No wonder Tony's such an asshole, with a dad like that.

Luke Cage is the Man

Somehow I don't think that's the way that sentence was going to end.

"Don't know what you were aimin' for, but..."

"Yeah man. I can feel it too. It works!"

"No, no, I was gonna say..."

"That I look AWESOME?"

"No, more along the lines of..."

"Luke Cage is the man?"

*Sigh* "Never mind."

I love how when faced with looking at Jason Blood's junk, Arsenal looks away in embarrassment, Canary looks like she's trying to let him maintain his decency and look away but is actually not so secretly looking, and Batman faces him down bravely, afraid of nothing.

I LOVE the B.A.D. girls. I wikied them, and they've only appeared a handful of other times, with the exception of Rachel (Diamondback) who pops up every so often in other stuff. I love how they can be so professional and "grr SRS BSNS" but at other times they say things like "poop." They need their own series ASAP.

My Least Favourite Costumes

If you really think about it, superhero costumes are ridiculous. Can you imagine actually WEARING some of that shit, or what it would look like on an actual human being? Yeah. But, some are worse than others. Way worse.

Plastic Man

We'll start of with the worst of the worst, which is Plastic Man's costume. I love that dude. Whenever he shows up, things get fun. Like Wonder Woman, Superman/Batman (where he was pretty heroic) and Batman: The Brave and the Bold. But his costume is horrendous. It's like wearing a speedo all the time. Number 1, that's gotta be uncomfortable. Number 2, PLEASE PLAS, THINK OF THE CHILDREN. And then there's the slit in the front with the tie up. Um, it's doubtful even a GIRL could pull that off, forget a guy. He has some classic douchey white sunglasses too, but I think they fit his personality. I hope to God they never make a live action Plas because I could only watch between the slits in my fingers.

Donna Troy

Donna's outfit looks like she went to a Dazzler concert and tried to emulate her style. What she failed to realize was that no one wants to be like Dazzler. Her sparkly jumpsuit is so disco and dated. And I KNOW she has style, because her Wonder Woman costume made it to the list of my favourite costumes.

Robin

The early Robin costume (worn by Dick Grayson and Jason Todd) is awful. I don't even know what material the shorts are made out of...it looks like alligator skin or something. Did Batman design it? And what was going through his mind when he did so? The pixie boots make him look like an idiot and I'm not really a huge fan of the collar on the cape either. Say what you will about Marvel, but they have NEVER subjected us to as much man leg as DC has.

Iron Fist

Oh, Iron Fist. Where to begin? The gigantic collar, the genie pants, the half mask, the sashes…but the worst is definitely HIS YELLOW FLATS. They’re actually cute shoes…FOR A GIRL. I was thinking about how to change his costume so it was still recognizable but so that it wasn’t as horrifying. My solution is to keep the collar but fill in the low neckline and then put on a full mask. And put on some boots or something, for the love of God. Those shoes are just embarrassing.

I still don't understand his power. Can he just punch really hard? But just with the one fist?

Catman

Hint: do not search Catman on Google images. What you see there will haunt you forever.
I am very fond of Catman and he is my favourite member of the Secret Six. His costume style isn't terrible, if a bit generic. But it seems like a ripoff of both Batman and Catwoman's costumes (fitting, I guess, since he was originally supposed to be a ripoff of Batman). But I could live with that, if the colours weren't so simultaneously horrifying and bland together.

Luke Cage

Ahh, the 70s. Where a man could wear a puffy sleeved yellow shirt and a tiara, and he was still feared by criminals. I'm not altogether fond of his "costume" or whatever now, either. It's a wifebeater and jeans I think, which is okay but it would be nice if there was some way to distinguish him as a member of the Avengers.

Power Girl

If you search for Power Girl on Google, almost all the pictures look SO PORNY.

Yes, this is mainly because of the boob window. I read somewhere that the reason she had it was because she couldn't think of a logo, so she just left it blank. I'm so sure. It's not like the logo just fits in there and doesn't have to be attached to fabric or anything. ANYWAY. The boob window is stupid and I'm not a fan of her boots.

There's something about the colour scheme that I like though. The blue is really nice. And I like the gloves on her too, for some reason. Although I'm not generally a fan of gloves.

Blue Beetle (Dan Garrett)

Dan's costume isn't terrible, but the red on top reminds me of a rooster's comb and I hate chickens, so I have this deep visceral reaction to it. I've had dreams about the chickens forming an army and storming the house.

Mr. Terrific

If he was the third smartest man in the world, he wouldn't think that costume was a good idea.

Look, I don’t even know. He has that bizarre face mask thing JUST LIKE whatshisface from Youngblood. Why would two people think that was a good idea? And his jacket that says stuff like, “Fair play” and has his name on the back, like some kind of weirdo letterman jacket. I wasn’t even aware of his existence until he randomly showed up in Wonder Woman and confused me greatly.

Black Canary

No one's happier than me that you've discovered modesty, Dinah, but GEEZ.
While there are issues with her traditional costume, Dinah makes the list because of her brief costume redesign in the 80s. According to Wikipedia, it has a "bird motif" except I can't see anything bird-like except the fact that it makes me want to vomit like a bird vomiting up worms for its offspring. It's...JUST LOOK AT IT. There are no words.

I didn't think it could get worse than Dazzler

I'm disenchanted with Joss Whedon for a number of reasons, which is another essay in itself. You would think he would be the best choice to helm Runaways, but that turned out not to be the case. I didn't really mind his whole time travelling plotline, if he DIDN'T JUST COMPLETELY DROP THE PLOTLINE THAT Brian K. Vaughan HAD STARTED. Heinberg's last issue ends with Tony crashing their hideout. And then...nothing. Joss just ignores it. So we never find out why Tony was there. Yes, the transition between writers can be choppy (the worst one I think of right now is the transition on Deadpool between Joe Kelly and Christopher Priest, but at least Kelly wrapped his plotline up first) but I have never read a comic in which the successor just completely drops the established plot. That just seems to show a real lack of respect for the previous writer. It's like Joss is going, "VAUGHAN, YOUR PLOTLINE HAS NO CHANCE OF BEING AS AWESOME AS WHAT I'M THINKING, SO IMMA SCRAP IT COMPLETELY."

But okay, I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is this girl above, who has the power of, I shit you not, dancing on air when she hears music. Sure, she can kick people in the face when she rises in the air, but SERIOUSLY? SHE DANCES. ON THE AIR. Goddamn that's even a worse power than Dazzler's. At least Dazzler parlayed that into a viable disco career that has outlasted disco.

Sure, this is a pretty cute page (especially for a comic in which 99% of it involves punching people or things) but it becomes less cute when you realize that it's been established that Luke Cage weighs 300 pounds and his skin is comparable to steel. So I guess my question is, why doesn't Clair have a broken back? Maybe she's a mutie too. PLOT TWIST.

My brother is currently trying to convince me that Kyle Rayner is the awesomest Green Lantern, but would Kyle calmly extinguish his flaming hair with his fingers? I don't think so! Guy's the man, and he always will be. He's also rockin' that turtleneck. Me likey.

Holy H-E-double hockey sticks, Knockout's hair is roughly the same height as a ten year old child. That's A LOT of hair. I wish I knew her secret to volume.