Marvel actually has quite a few French characters

I read Agent X back before I knew who Batroc was and this apparently made no impression on me because I totally forgot about it. But now that I can appreciate how amazi

ng these panels are...can we speculate on the mother of Batroc's daughter?? She has an accent so the mother is probably French. I'm blanking on any French Marvel characters. Damn.

I also find it strangely sweet that Tasky has respect for Batroc.

ETA: Things I learned from the Marvel wiki: Batroc can apparently lift 500 pounds. He also sometimes leads a group called "Batroc's Brigade." That is awesome.

ETA2: This is my pick for the mother of Batroc's children: Marie-Ange Colbert. My reasons:

-She is French.

-She is described as being good at heart, which Batroc is too.

That's pretty much it. But now that I've made the decision, I will defend it.

That's actually a really good point. Couple of things:

1. I reeeeally hate that Taskmaste costume. It's like some unholy bastard child of Robin Hood, a pirate, and Jack Skellington.

2. What is Tasky doing? Checking out his manicure?

3. I thought Butterball was so interesting and I wished he could have stuck around longer (although I do concede that perhaps superhero boot camp wasn't the best place for him). He would probably have been the Initiative's best asset - he literally cannot be harmed - except his invulnerability doesn't automatically make him a good or strong fighter. Usually if someone is invulnerable they are automatically strong and good fighters but if you really think about it, the two don't necessarily go together.

And now for something completely different:

I originally saved this as "kory no pants" and I assume I was going to talk about how Kory decided to cover up for the meeting with Lobo and ended up covering NOTHING but there is so much more interesting shit happening on the left side of the panel. Lobo. In a bishop's hat. Sitting on a throne. Conversing with a gigantic grasshopper while a talking dolphin floats nearby. There is NOTHING about that scene that is not awesome. NOTHING. I halfway think Grant Morrison (I think this was the part of 52 he wrote) was tripping when he came up with the concept and maybe while he pitched it to DC as well. "No seriously, guys. Lobo has taken a vow of pacifism. He's worshipped by these giant insects and shit, and a space dolphin is his advisor! And like, Kory and Buddy and Adam Strange do some stuff too. Kory is mostly pantsless" and DC was too intimidated by his popularity to argue so they're like, "hey, whatevs. Just as long as it comes out on time." And voila. I was less than interested in the Kory/Buddy/Adam storyline until they met Lobo.

The Lukey or the tiger?

Don't ever tell me Luke Cage isn't the most awesome hero of all time: HE PUNCHED

A TIGER IN THE NECK. The confused "ROWR?" is just the icing on the cake.

And here, in a nutshell, is why I love Joe Kelly as a writer: Plastic Man as Flash being crushed by his long lost son who has taken the shape of a giant dinosaur. The sound effect, coupled with the giant dinosaur rear end and just the boots showing is the best. That panel could not be more perfect.

There's so much about this that I love. Zatanna's no doubt hilarious story, Ollie and Clint's battle of the trick arrows (seen over Zatanna's head in panel 1), Shulkie cheering on arm wrestlers, and perhaps most of all, Guy being yelled for his dirty thoughts by Moondragon, who is probably stronger than he is, even with his power ring.

Awesome barbecue *BOOM*. Awesome car *BOOM!* Awesome pool *BOOM*

OMG IT'S CARNAGE DEADPOOL AND HE IS SO RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME
















This guy is most definitely drooling all over Catwoman. Gross. How intense of a fight is this that he lost control over his salivary glands? Although, this could just be a very clever fighting tactic. Whenever I fight with my sister I slobber all over her and then she stops fighting immediately to deal with it. So good on ya, anonymous bowl-cutted henchman, for thinking outside the box.


















His package is very, um...there. Maybe Marvel is hoping that if they put Deadpool on display, people will read the next issue with promises of "more!"

Awesome and Campy, My Two Favourite Things

I recently started reading the 80's run of Blue Beetle, and I'm quite enjoying it. Ted Kord is a wisecracker in the vein of Spiderman, only not as wangsty. And also, it's so much more campy than I expected. Case in point: I can't remember what the previous panel was, but this detective pistol whips someone who I think is part of an organization called the "Malevolent Madmen" (they will most definitely be covered later) and goes "guess again, PUNK! I'm the LAW! And you, AND YOUR TEETH, are BUSTED!" I have never heard of anyone ever saying anything like that ever, in the history of the universe, and yet I totally wish they would. Why can't life be more like a comic book? It would be awesome: you'd get badass detectives in trench coats pistol whipping perps left and right and saying stuff like, "I'm the LAW, punk" and you'd have spandex clad villains saying things like, "I am FIREFIST, the INCENDIARY MAN!" and then more spandex clad heroes riding in on a beetle shaped ship (more on that another time) and beating them up. I'm pretty sure I would never ever go inside if the world was like this.

















Look at that display of badassery! You don't even need context, JUST LOOK AT IT. Deathstroke has a strip of bullets slung over his shoulder, and somehow he is holding a gun, and HE HAS A GORILLA ON HIS SHOULDERS. I can't take the awesome.

Also, and I just noticed this, is he holding the gorilla by his balls? That just seems like a dick move.















Speaking of awesome, HOLY CRAP IT'S NICK FURY AS A WILD WEST SHERIFF!

Look at that coat. The Colonel Sanders tie. His white gun holster. His jaunty white hat. And the eyepatch! And he's saying "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." I LOVE HIM.

Friggin' Sweet

Historically, girls get the short end of the stick in comics. There's the costumes, which I covered before. Then there's the whole "women in refrigerators" thing. Then there's the fact that they never do anything cool, ever. But every so often, you find some really cool women in comics.


















Look at this woman from Birds of Prey whose name I can't remember right now. This is one of the most awesome panels I've seen in my life. She's wearing this Stormtrooper-esque armour with a BIG ASS GUN. After their train was detoured to some place that might be Hell, she is one of the only people to stay calm and do what needs to be done. She's all, "take cover, gentlemen. This is THE big gun." Love her.















I like the fact that after becoming a cripple, the artists resisted making Barbara into an ugly shell of her former self. It must be hard writing a crippled character who is hardly seen outside that one room, but the former Batgirl has an actual personality and does actual stuff (like swimming, working out, and going on dates with a surprisingly buff Dick Grayson). You can't deny it: Oracle's pretty badass. She took out a bunch of dudes single-handedly while in a wheelchair, and she's probably the best hacker in the DCU. And look how pretty she is here! Love it.

















HOLY GOD THERE IS A FEMALE DEADPOOL AND SHE IS WAY MORE AWESOME THAN I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED LIEFELD CAPABLE OF DRAWING! Look how amazing she is! She's so funny. Her boobs look a little wonked up, but I will ignore that because she is hilarious. I need more of her, STAT.
















I really loved Dom's design in Cable and Deadpool. Putting aside the fact that spot on her eye makes her resemble Petey from Our Gang, I loved her haircut and her badass black outfit. She also got a lot more character development than the other side characters of Cable/Deadpool when she had various moral dilemmas. She's pretty awesome.














Blind Al is possibly my favourite female character EVER. She has crazy ass hair and awesome wardrobe, and is one of the only people who can match wits with Deadpool. She's a cantankerous old lady who is forced to live with Deadpool and actually got him to APOLOGIZE to her. That's pretty difficult when the person you're dealing with has no conscience.

I also deeply, deeply appreciate the fact that they make t-shirts specifically for blind people.