LOBO FOREVER

I have an unabashed love for those characters who just love punching things: Guy Gardner, Barda, Boodikka, Luke Cage, etc. I had really no opinion on Hawkman before, but Trinity made

me love him. I am very amused by these two panels with exposition in the foreground and Hawkman beating shit up in the backgr

ound. Poor Primat. I'm pretty sure she gets taken out by him on two different occasions.

I'm fond of Iron Fist (mostly because he's associated with Luke Cage in my mind, and I LOVE Luke Cage), but he has one of the worst costumes of all time. And the dumbest power. Why can't both fists be like unto a thing of iron? (or whatever the narration boxes say every time he wields his fist.) Plas's costume is probably the worst, although Mr. Miracle's comes pretty close.

Here, Aquaman and Namor are fighting each other for the survival of their respective universes. Namor spends the whole fight being noble and stoic, while Aquaman takes the "make as many stupid jokes as possible" route. I don't know why more people don't like Aquaman, because he is both hilarious and a badass. ANYWAY, the funny part about these panels is that I read Aquaman's "I've done plenty of sighin' on Atlantis too" crack, and I was like "Aquaman, you're such an idiot" and then read on to see Namor calls him an idiot as well. It may interest you to know that Aquaman wins the fight by dropping a whale on Namor's head. I'm not so sure he would win the fight because in Incredible Hercules Namor throws like, an island at Herc's head. But this matchup isn't as maddening as the Lobo/Wolverine fight WHICH I WILL NOT GET INTO RIGHT NOW Lobo would totally win that fight, don't try to tell me any different.

"Don't think I like my Bucky so sassy."

Look how cute those two are! Batman's smiling.

I've never really had any thoughts at all about Bucky, but that changed after this. LOOK HOW AWESOME HE IS. Young Avengers just makes everyone awesome. Bucky, Hawkeye, Jessica Jones (who was already pretty cool, but she got awesomer when she kicked Kang. While she was pregnant).

I'm really confused as to what Norman Osborne's hair is actually supposed to look like. We all know what it looks like in the comics pages, but what is the real life equivalent? Is it really striated like that? I suspect it's just supposed to look like he has a lot of Brylcreem in it, but really, who knows.

Side note: I accidentally wrote "Norma Osborne" and then got scared that he was going to come after me for questioning his manhood. (Reminds me of a Lobo comic I read where this dude called Lobo "Miss Lobo" and he freaked out, saying "NO ONE QUESTIONS THE GENDER OF THE MAIN MAN!")

Counterparts Pt. II: Electric Boogaloo

Wonder Twins/Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver
Both fulfill the role of: The Twins
Similarities:
-They are twins.

These four actually aren’t too similar, but there are one main set of twins in the DCU and the Marvel U, so I put them together. I also freely admit that all my knowledge of the Wonder Twins come from Superfriends, and they are easily the most enjoyable part of that show. In the Ultimate universe, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are incestuous, and Scarlet Witch indirectly causes the deaths of Vision, Scott Lang, and Hawkeye, which is not cool.
Winner: Wonder Twins for DC.

Deathstroke/Deadpool
Both fulfill the role of: The Unbalanced Mercenary
Similarities:
-Mercenaries
-Unpredictable
-Slightly insane
-A little psychotic

This one’s a little harder. I legitimately love Deadpool and have read almost all of his various solo series, but Deathstroke is one of those that I love FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Although he killed a bunch of lions on Secret Six, which sucks. What did those lions do to you, Slade?* And his main adversaries are the Teen Titans, and really, how much of a loser do you have to be that you regularly fight a bunch of teenagers? Then again, Deadpool’s main adversary is T-Ray, who I hate with fire of a thousand suns. Even though I have to deal with T-Ray’s appearances every so often, Deadpool is just awesome. That’s all there is to it. He’s insane, he’s hilarious, but he also has depth which keeps him from being a relentlessly cartoonish character.
Winner: Deadpool for Marvel.
*Turns out it was just Deadshot, yet another interchangeable mercenary who never misses.

Green Arrow/Hawkeye
Both fulfill the role of: The Charming and Cocky Archer.
Similarities:
-Archers
-Cocky
-Womanizing
-Dickish

I don’t really know how to feel about Ollie. He’s definitely hilarious. There was one issue where he teamed up with Nightwing and repeatedly just reamed on him, calling him “Short Pants” and telling him to stop posing. In Superman/Batman Superman and Batman went to see him (to reassure themselves, it was after they got caught in this alternate reality, long story) and he was hilariously cranky. This shouldn’t really have an effect on my decision, but Ollie is easily my second favourite character on Batman: The Brave and the Bold (first is Jaime). On the other hand, Speedy got addicted to heroin and Ollie just got pissed at him and threw him out on the street. When Canary nursed him back to health, Ollie basically took credit for his recovery. And he cheated on Canary. CANARY. That woman wears leather and fishnets all the time. If you have her, you should do everything you can to keep her. I haven’t read much about Hawkeye, but what I have read (She-Hulk and Young Avengers) he’s pretty awesome. He was really sweet in She-Hulk and he’s a pretty good wisecracker. He was also very sweet in Young Avengers, and is probably the only adult hero who actually supported the Young Avengers, which was nice to see. Hawkeye’s probably the last hero I would have thought would want to serve as a mentor, but he was considering it. They both have ridiculously stupid costumes. Ollie’s got the Robin Hood thing going on, which is okay I guess, but I hate hate hate his facial hair. Hawkeye’s would be okay if he didn’t have that weird loincloth thing.
Winner: It’s a draw! On Ollie’s good days I like him better, but I can’t get over his treatment of Speedy and Canary. And Hawkeye was really quite good in Young Avengers.

Lois Lane/MJ Watson
Both fulfill the role of: The Love Interest
Similarities:
-Love interest of the most well-known hero in their respective universes.
-Both get kidnapped a lot.
-Took forever to learn their boyfriends’ superhero identities.

So I don’t actually know a whole lot about either of these two. Lois gets automatic points because she’s a journalist and so am I! MJ is an actress or some such. Both the relationships are sweet and stable. I have no idea if this is actually true, but I see MJ as more of a damsel in distress type. Both of them have been around for decades and by necessity, their personalities would have changed during that (if I recall, MJ used to be a bubble-headed party girl, which she really isn’t now). As such, Lois used to be a damsel in distress a lot too, but now from what I’ve read of her she’s pretty badass. She definitely unsettled Oracle in Birds of Prey and while she ended up losing that confrontation, it was still pretty awesome. Also, I love how she’s portrayed on Smallville. I don’t remember MJ ever being really awesome. She’s just kind of meh for me.
Winner: Lois Lane for DC.

And it’s another DC victory, but it was pretty close. I had no idea I liked this many DC characters more than Marvel characters. I expected it to be way more even.

This seems like a perfect time to recount one of the most random moments of my life. I was in Midtown mall in Saskatoon browsing the DVD sets in HMV when this guy comes up to me. I was looking at Stargate SG-1 at the time, and he’s like, “Do you like Smallville?” I’ve seen like the first six seasons but hadn’t watched it for a few years at that point. I’m like, “Yeah, I used to watch it.” Turns out he’s a tech guy from the set who was on vacation. He immediately launched into this lecture about the show, telling me about the actors and what they’re planning for the next season. He also went on and on about how nice Erica Durance is. It was pretty cool since I love TV and I like Smallville but to this day I have NO IDEA why he started talking to me. I mean, maybe if I was looking at Smallville DVDs, but I wasn’t. Maybe he was just hitting on me, but he was like forty. Does he just go up to random people like, “Hey, I’m a techie on Smallville” just so they can be impressed? It was the strangest thing that has ever happened to me.

Slashy Fun

I've seen this panel a few times, and each time I, like everyone else, thought that for some reason Tony's arm was around Cap's waist. And my response was somewhere between "Really? Really?" and "Oh comics, don't ever change." But I'm now pretty sure that Cap's hand is on his hip and the juxtaposition of Tony and the hand is just very unfortunate. Even without the hand though, look how CLOSE Tony and Cap are. Tony's pressed right up against him. Even without the hand, this is still pretty slashy. I kind of like the respective expressions on their faces. Tony's all like "GRRRRRRARGH" and Cap's just kind of chillin'.

















The first comics I ever read were Marvel, and then I went on a Marvel kick for awhile. Recently I started reading DC, and now I think I know more about DC characters than Marvel. Which is why when I saw these two Young Avengers (Iron Lad and Patriot) my first thoughts were "Atom! And Deathstroke!" Then I remembered that I was reading Marvel and I was sad that Deathstroke couldn't be in it, and then I realized that these two didn't look anything like Atom or Deathstroke.

This is a thing about me, but sometimes I just get obsessive about a certain character, even if I hadn't read anything about them. Nick Fury is one (I've only seen him in Cable/Deadpool, and that was very brief) and Slade is another one. I get excited when he shows up.

Well, that's enough Young Avengers.













Context? CONTEXT IS FOR LOSERS!

I'm the Goddamn Batman

I'm always unsure whether or not to recommend All-Star Batman. It's really, really bad, but it's also kind of hilarious. So I'm like, "Read it! It sucks a lot! " and then people get confused.
























Anyway, here's the original image. Now, I'm not a Batman expert or anything, but I don't think Batman would ever say "retarded."

What I enjoy about this meme is that various writers have incorporated it and made fun of it, much like how everyone makes fun of Rob Liefeld now (which will come later). Like Gail Simone in Birds of Prey:

















My favourite instance of this meme is in an issue of Superman/Batman. Chibi versions of the Justice League are let loose in our world, and the little Batman is just as angsty as his big counterpart.















But poor chibi!Batman doesn't get to even finish the sentence. Big Batman is thinking, "Goddammit, it was ONE TIME, and no one ever lets me forget it!"

Another example of writers being aware of their audience is when they make fun of Rob Liefeld, which is pretty much all the time.














From Fabian Nicieza's Cable/Deadpool, this isn't strictly an example, but everyone knows that Rob Liefeld loves his pouches. He can't not have been thinking about Liefeld when he wrote this.














From (I believe) Jimmy Palmiotti's run on Deadpool, we have the two old ladies who offer Deadpool the use of a very big and complicated gun called the Liefelder.

And most blatantly of all:














On Daniel Way's run on Deadpool, he actually turns and addresses Rob Liefeld, making fun of his obsession with pouches.

I'm from Wisconsin. We make cheese.

It tickles me to no end that Deadpool has a ringtone that goes "Deadpool is so awesome!" I know for a fact that a ringtone like this wouldn't exist, so I can only assume that Deadpool made it himself.
















I want to be in a situation where I can say "Get medieval on his buttocks!" Side note: Is that Howard Stern?

















"And by 'people,' I mean 'Robin.'"

Top 10 Comics Supporting Characters

I'm going to try something I'm hoping to make a weekly installment, provided I can think of enough top 10 lists. Today's list is the best supporting characters in comics. These are characters who have not been major characters in other comics, otherwise I would have included Ted in Birds of Prey or Beast in Cable/Deadpool or Guy Gardner in Blue Beetle. Also, these are from comics I've read, which is why Alfred isn't there (while he's pretty hot in All-Star Batman, he's also not really Alfred) or Aunt May or any of the other iconic supporting characters.

10. Misfit (Birds of Prey)




























Misfit is a homeless teenager with the ability to teleport. She initially wants to be the next Batgirl, but Babs is a total bitch to her (including showing her autopsy photos of Steph, the previous Batgirl) and Misfit gives up on being Batgirl, but not on fighting crime. She tends to teleport into random situations to help the Birds, much to the chagrin of Babs. She's also fond of yelling "DARK VENNNNNNNNNNGEANCCCCCCCCCCCE" for some reason. She's naive and inexperienced, but her enthusiasm is so endearing you can't help but love her.

9. Headpool (Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth)
















Headpool is the zombiefied head of Deadpool. AIM tried to capture him (it?) for a weapon, but Deadpool and Betty stole him. He's just like Deadpool but he seems to be more lecherous, even hitting on Betty multiple times. Headpool has no body, and he still thinks he has game. He also doesn't see his lack of a body as a problem. That takes balls.

8. Skeets (Booster Gold)
















The awesomeness of Skeets was detailed here. He's some kind of security droid that Booster stole from the museum where he worked and now he's a sidekick of sorts to Booster. He's no pansy and joins in fighting whenever he can. He's also probably the one who understands Booster the best, even more than Rip and Michelle sometimes. He's kind of like Alfred crossed with Mr. Butlertron.

7. Monty (Deadpool)













Monty is a somewhat crippled clairvoyant and despite being basically a skeleton who has hardly seen the outside world, he's probably the most grounded and wise character in Deadpool's supporting cast, with the possible exception of Blind Al. He's the one who predicted that Deadpool would be the one to save the world and is involved with L, L, and L until Deadpool kidnaps him for some reason and then they have some zany adventures involving the Black Talon. Monty could have been a cliche of an all-knowing psychic, but he's snarky and he's generally one of the only people who can handle Deadpool. He's also a rare example of a happy ending in the Deadpool verse: he gains a new lease on life when he's thrown out a window and then he has his memory erased but eventually he gets the girl and leaves to start a new life. I think he needs to show up in the new Deadpool ongoing. DO YOU HEAR ME, WAY?

6. Weasel (Deadpool, Cable and Deadpool)














Weasel is Deadpool's best friend and tech support. They have a weird relationship: Deadpool is sometimes extremely abusive of him, but they prove their loyalty to each other time and time again. Weasel went to jail for Deadpool, and it was revealed that Deadpool TiVo'd every episode of Battlestar Galactica when he was in the slammer. One of their best interactions comes after Deadpool eviscerates Agent X:

Weasel: Oh. You spelled 'Hi Weasel' with his intestines.
Deadpool: I knew you'd peek!
Weasel: That was...kinda nice, Wade.

Sums up their relationship in a nutshell. Weasel is as adept at getting himself out of sticky situations as Deadpool is sometimes. Weasel was kidnapped by HYDRA and executed a plan which involved pretending to help HYDRA and instead equipping them all with teleporters that would take them straight to Guantanamo. He defeated HYDRA single-handedly. Granted, they're a bunch of morons, but still, they greatly outnumber him.

5. Paco and Brenda (Blue Beetle)













Paco and Brenda are Jaime's best friends and they occasionally help him out with his crime fighting. Proving you don't need some alien scarab to be a badass, this is after Brenda attacks an alien and Paco finishes him off by hitting him with a stick. The aliens have giant motherships, guns, and presumably extensive training. Two teens can take him out with a stick. They're both fearless in the face of anything and they don't have the advantage of superpowers.

4. Outlaw (Deadpool, Cable and Deadpool, Agent X)



























Outlaw is an expert markswoman with some degree of invulnerability. She's a mercenary who first briefly appears in Deadpool and then is a prominent character in Agent X. (We won't talk about how she was vastly underused and OOC in Cable/Deadpool). She's unique in that she's probably the only comics female who admits to plastic surgery. She's badass and fearless but also compassionate and empathetic to others.

3. Jaime's Family (Blue Beetle)













Jaime's parents knew about his superpowers from the start and their attempts to parent a superhero are one grounding aspect of the series. His whole family is also pretty badass. Here's a partial list:
Bianca: Confronted Guy Gardner and won, confronted Peacemaker and won, joined in the fight against the alien despite (presumably) having zero training.
Berto: Fought off aliens despite needing a cane, fought off zombie things with his cane.
Milagro: Utterly unimpressed by Guy Gardner, kept somewhat calm during an alien invasion, Boostle shipper.

I really like Jaime's family dynamic. His parents are supportive of him fighting crime and yet they still set boundaries and Jaime is respectful of those boundaries. They don't bat an eyelash at whatever comes at them. Milagro just kind of goes with the flow with what's going on, whether it be aliens or supervillains.

(Side note: I love how confused and indignant Guy looks. It took me awhile to figure it out, but I think it's because Ice is hugging Booster and not him. I can just imagine how that must be killing him. Keep smiling, Booster. Guy's gonna get his revenge one of these days.)

2. Blind Al (Deadpool)














Blind Al is blind old lady kept prisoner by Deadpool. Deadpool mocks her and plays mean tricks on her but she never backs down and she always gives as good as she gets. Deadpool needs someone in his life who doesn't let him get away with everything. Even after he went psycho she knew what she was doing and she got Deadpool to apologize to her...by being nice and doing everything he asked. She's the snarkiest old lady this side of Dorothy Zbornak, and I love her for it.

1. Bob (Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool v2)



























Bob is a HYDRA agent who was kidnapped by Deadpool. He joined HYDRA for the health plan and primarily learns how to hide from danger. He's loyal to and has a kind of hero worship for Deadpool, who treats him like a puppy who insists on following him around. He has a tendency to get hurt in his duty as Deadpool's sidekick of sorts, but this doesn't stop him from following Deadpool wherever he goes.

Covers

This is really, really morbid, but I actually really like this cover. My love for camp is satisfied with "The blue and gold will finally be reunited...IN DEATH!" But the rest is just so awesomely creepy. Booster front and centre about to be hanged by his best friend, the grey colour, the creepy tree and moon, and the abomination that is zombie Ted. This is all capped off by the simulated blood spatter on "Blackest Night" which is, of course, a reference to the Green Lantern oath. It's just all so macabre but still fits in with the plotline of the comic.

















Three of my favourite characters together, on one cover! I'm also about 73% sure that this is when they fought the Condiment King, so I just have a lot of love for this issue in general. Lots of the Chuck Dixon covers had this kind of faux-painted quality that I quite liked.

















When Spidey and Deadpool are together, Spidey is usually just dumbfounded by everything Deadpool says or does so this cover does a great job of being emblematic of their relationship as a whole.

"Knock knock?" "Who's there?" BOOM.

I'm in a crappy mood, so today will be pictures that make me happy.















It's...it's...DEADPOOL SKRULLS!

If I remember this storyline correctly, they genetically engineered these Skrulls from Deadpool's DNA. So the question that I have is, is that their skin or did they make a bunch of Deadpool costumes for the new Skrulls?

















Not only are there dinosaurs in downtown Manhattan, which is awesome enough, but they are infected with the Carnage symbiote. CARNAGE DINOSAURS. MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING FROM AWESOME.

















Dick Grayson is the first Robin and we share a name (Robin, not Dick) so I've always felt fond of him. Which is why I'm glad he grew up so well!

I'm just trying to ignore the little Robin screaming on the left there.
















I love how Hawkman looks all stoic and Ted and Booster are just beaming. I LOVE THOSE TWO.

CROTCH SHOT!

If you're a male, proceed with caution.


















This whole Birds of Prey story involved Huntress and Canary going after this guy who dated them and then ditched them, and Catwoman was along for the ride because he owed her money. It's basically about girls going after a dickhead. This guy can read minds, which meant that he was beating the shit out of Huntress. Until she made her mind blank and then blindsided him WITH THE CROTCH SHOT. It could have happened no other way.















Deadpool once saved the entire world by kicking Captain America in the nuts. True story.















What everyone seems to forget when trying to subdue Oracle is that being in a wheelchair puts her at the perfect height to do this to potential attackers.















Ouch. This guy's never having children.

The Return of Dr. Breasty Betty: The Reckoning

Yes, it's time to visit our good friend, Dr. Boobsy Betty.















No clue why Betty is holding up the bottom of her skanktastic AIM outfit. If she lets it down, it won't even be near the swamp water.

Is Headpool sitting on Deadpool's head?

Betty's leaning to the right there because her enormous boob to tiny waist ratio is a little off.















How has she not had a nipslip yet? (Other than the fact that she's not real). Her boobs are enormous. I just can't handle it. Here's something to help you handle it, however:



































Oh Nick Fury, you are as soothing to the soul as a milkshake on a hot day.

But I might be acting unfair towards Dr. Busty Betty. Here's something featuring her that I actually quite like:















So pleasantly romantic! So pleasantly colourful! So pleasantly lacking in a scary bustline! My favourite part is Headpool's distress.

MUSCLESSSSSSSS

For some reason, I just love Taskmaster. I was first exposed to him in early Deadpool, when he was defeated because Deadpool started dancing. He was a pretty goofy villain then, but he has somewhat evolved into an antihero in later writing (with Gail Simone's writing on Deadpool and Agent X). I like his dynamic with Deadpool: they're both amoral mercenaries, but Tasky does it with style and sophistication, whereas Deadpool is just a moron. Tasky doesn't particularly like Deadpool, but he still helps him out on occasion for unknown reasons.

And holy fucking shit, look how buff he is. I like his other design better, with the hoodie, but he just looks so COOL here. Even with the weird t-shirt and cape/hood thingie. And speaking of buff:














WOW. That is not physically possible. His arms are probably wider than my waist. Here's another ponytail wearer that I forgot. I'm a little weirded out by that vein thing on his arm. And speaking of things that aren't physically possible...
















Those boobs must be made of stone. They're like, what, double H? And they are apparently immovable.

The Day of the Ponytail

I think we can all agree that ponytails are generally the domain of the female. I very rarely see men with ponytails, and if they do have ponytails, they're low on their heads. But in comics, the rules are different.

















Did Canary do his hair or something? That's the only way I imagine a man would actually do his hair like this. This is an immaculate ponytail with no hair sticking out, and it's pulled back super tightly from his head. Not only is he wearing a ponytail, but he's wearing a ponytail he put effort into. You need gel or something to get it that perfect. He put thought into his hairdo.


















Oh hey Canary, you look really manly all of a...wait. That's just another man with blow dried anime hair in a ponytail. This guy is hilarious. He's supposed to be really scary and psycho, but all I could think when I was reading this was "I CANNOT TAKE THIS GUY SERIOUSLY WITH HIS LONG, FLOWING LOCKS."















If I'm recalling correctly (which I might not be) this guy is in some sort of secret service or some such. Wearing your hair in a ponytail is not the way to go about inspiring fear in people.

Comic books are not the only form of media susceptible to this phenomenon. Animation is as well.

















Let's ignore the fact that this guy might be wearing chaps. His hair here looks like those cartoon pictures of little girls who have a little ponytail sticking up because they're supposed to be cute. Or like, little lapdogs who have the ponytail to show that they're pampered. This is not the thing to wear if you want to be thought of as masculine, ever.















Wow. Not only is he wearing like, some sort of retro sixties ponytail, he is accessorizing with a headband that matches the rest of his outfit. Comics are insane.

I love you, Deadpool. Keep doing what you're doing.

Like I said before, I was going to stay away from cheap shots on Rob Liefeld, but I feel like this needs to be seen:








































It's like every bad hair sin of comics personified. High ponytail, check. Unnecessary additions to the hairdo, check. Mullet, check. In the words of the guys at Progressive Boink, "Can you imagine how hard you would elbow your friend if you saw a dude with three ponytails? You would elbow the shit out of them."