Marvel 1602 is a pretty good idea

This is all from one mini series, possibly just one issue. Necks get a workout in the DCU.

...why is Alfred wearing a hunting cap?

What's more awesome than Nick Fury as a spy/badass? NICK FURY AS A KNIGHT/BADASS.

This is a legitimately cute outfit for Karen, and look at that, IT COVERS HER BOOBS

. I love her boots.

On the one hand, I love dogs and this makes me sad. But on the other THERE IS A GUY WHOSE SOLE POWER IS WELDING DOGS TO PEOPLE. "Who the hell welded this fraggin' dog to my butt?" will never not be hil

arious.

Nick Fury always looks awesome. Doesn't matter who's drawing him.

I was sad when it turned out he was just a Doombot.

Am...am I in heaven?















Doom does not understand your primitive teenage slang!

















Pwned.

Nicky Fury Is Awesome

You know why? Because he looks amazing no matter who is drawing him.
How about Brent Anderson, whose art I didn't really enjoy and whose renditions of Jessica made her look like she was melting?














Awesome! Danny looks a little weird though.
What about Nick Fury as a hologram?














Awesome!
What about a photorealistic Nick Fury, when photorealism usually freaks me out a little bit?















Awesome! He actually looks like Ben Browder here, and I honestly couldn't visualize him playing Nick Fury but now that I've seen it, that's ALL I can visualize playing Nick Fury in a movie.















No one bitch slaps Nick Fury and gets away with it! Sleep with one eye open, Cap!

The Return of Dr. Breasty Betty: The Reckoning

Yes, it's time to visit our good friend, Dr. Boobsy Betty.















No clue why Betty is holding up the bottom of her skanktastic AIM outfit. If she lets it down, it won't even be near the swamp water.

Is Headpool sitting on Deadpool's head?

Betty's leaning to the right there because her enormous boob to tiny waist ratio is a little off.















How has she not had a nipslip yet? (Other than the fact that she's not real). Her boobs are enormous. I just can't handle it. Here's something to help you handle it, however:



































Oh Nick Fury, you are as soothing to the soul as a milkshake on a hot day.

But I might be acting unfair towards Dr. Busty Betty. Here's something featuring her that I actually quite like:















So pleasantly romantic! So pleasantly colourful! So pleasantly lacking in a scary bustline! My favourite part is Headpool's distress.

R'as Al Ghul

Old R'as looks like such a douchebag here. Is he giving Canary the thumbs up underwater? He's trying to pull off Nick Fury's distinguished "greying at the temples" look, but dude, no one does it better than Nick Fury. This is what that magnificent specimen of manhood looks like:


































You're no Nick Fury, R'as.


















Ew. Nice legs, R'as. Put away the short shorts and put on some pants like a man.

Also, this whole Birds of Prey plotline is so weird because Talia is slithering around the yacht, half dressed, and is bonding with her father's new paramour. It's all very Oedipal. Or whatever the female equivalent of the Oedipal complex is. I'm sure there's a name that I'm not recalling right now.

Awesome and Campy, My Two Favourite Things

I recently started reading the 80's run of Blue Beetle, and I'm quite enjoying it. Ted Kord is a wisecracker in the vein of Spiderman, only not as wangsty. And also, it's so much more campy than I expected. Case in point: I can't remember what the previous panel was, but this detective pistol whips someone who I think is part of an organization called the "Malevolent Madmen" (they will most definitely be covered later) and goes "guess again, PUNK! I'm the LAW! And you, AND YOUR TEETH, are BUSTED!" I have never heard of anyone ever saying anything like that ever, in the history of the universe, and yet I totally wish they would. Why can't life be more like a comic book? It would be awesome: you'd get badass detectives in trench coats pistol whipping perps left and right and saying stuff like, "I'm the LAW, punk" and you'd have spandex clad villains saying things like, "I am FIREFIST, the INCENDIARY MAN!" and then more spandex clad heroes riding in on a beetle shaped ship (more on that another time) and beating them up. I'm pretty sure I would never ever go inside if the world was like this.

















Look at that display of badassery! You don't even need context, JUST LOOK AT IT. Deathstroke has a strip of bullets slung over his shoulder, and somehow he is holding a gun, and HE HAS A GORILLA ON HIS SHOULDERS. I can't take the awesome.

Also, and I just noticed this, is he holding the gorilla by his balls? That just seems like a dick move.















Speaking of awesome, HOLY CRAP IT'S NICK FURY AS A WILD WEST SHERIFF!

Look at that coat. The Colonel Sanders tie. His white gun holster. His jaunty white hat. And the eyepatch! And he's saying "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." I LOVE HIM.

The Many States of Undress of Dr. Betty

You know what we need more of in the comics?





























Ass crack and underboob.
















Look, I don't care so much about the scantily clad women when I read the comics. It's embarrassing to read if I'm around others, but I can ignore it. But is it too much to ask that I not have to look at Dr. Betty's erect nipple when I'm trying to read about zombiefied heads and such?
















When I saved this picture to my computer, I named it "bettynipslip" and while her nipple is not showing, there's NO WAY it wouldn't be here. I didn't know AIM made such revealing suits for their employees.

Don't her boobs get in the way when she's trying to do delicate scientific procedures?

















Betty's shorts are rapidly on their way to becoming a thong. In later panels they miraculously return to their normal length, once the awesomely named Bong Dazo is done lovingly outlining her ass in a shot probably specifically designed to look up her shorts.

I wasn't going to use all my Betty pictures in one post, but we may as well go all the way, as I've already felt I've gone all the way with Betty. After all, I've seen most of her body by now.














This improvised HYDRA outfit is confusing me, as I'm almost positive that they don't employ women, and so wouldn't have any female outfits on hand. So I can only conclude that Betty looked at the whole HYDRA outfit and decided to just eschew the pants for whatever reason. She's like the Lady Gaga of comics. This choice is especially puzzling when you consider that she's spent most of the comic so far shunning the advances of both Deadpool and Headpool, and then she decides to dress like a skank anyway.

The writing itself of Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth is pretty good, and Dr. Betty's skankitude is especially maddening as she's a pretty strong female character. She's a scientist, she works for a well-known terrorist organization, she's pretty snarky, and she was alone in the Savage Land with just like, mosquito netting for protection. But all that takes a backseat to BOOBIES. I only have four issues on hand, but there are A WHOLE LOT MORE Betty pictures where these came from. It's all Betty prancing around in the jungle with her shirt straining at her enormous boobs and Betty's shorts getting a lot shorter and Betty's nipples and Betty's fanservice-y HYDRA and then AIM outfits, and ARGH it just gets irritating. But I guess I can't say that Marvel doesn't do anything for its female readers:















Thanks Bong Dazo! How did you KNOW I wanted to look at Deadpool's scabby ass? Thank GOD his pouches (somehow, are those things made of titanium?) survived the explosion he was in!

Well, I know I need a mental cleansing after all that.




















Oh Nick Fury, how do I love you? Let me count the ways.