My Least Favourite Costumes

If you really think about it, superhero costumes are ridiculous. Can you imagine actually WEARING some of that shit, or what it would look like on an actual human being? Yeah. But, some are worse than others. Way worse.

Plastic Man

We'll start of with the worst of the worst, which is Plastic Man's costume. I love that dude. Whenever he shows up, things get fun. Like Wonder Woman, Superman/Batman (where he was pretty heroic) and Batman: The Brave and the Bold. But his costume is horrendous. It's like wearing a speedo all the time. Number 1, that's gotta be uncomfortable. Number 2, PLEASE PLAS, THINK OF THE CHILDREN. And then there's the slit in the front with the tie up. Um, it's doubtful even a GIRL could pull that off, forget a guy. He has some classic douchey white sunglasses too, but I think they fit his personality. I hope to God they never make a live action Plas because I could only watch between the slits in my fingers.

Donna Troy

Donna's outfit looks like she went to a Dazzler concert and tried to emulate her style. What she failed to realize was that no one wants to be like Dazzler. Her sparkly jumpsuit is so disco and dated. And I KNOW she has style, because her Wonder Woman costume made it to the list of my favourite costumes.

Robin

The early Robin costume (worn by Dick Grayson and Jason Todd) is awful. I don't even know what material the shorts are made out of...it looks like alligator skin or something. Did Batman design it? And what was going through his mind when he did so? The pixie boots make him look like an idiot and I'm not really a huge fan of the collar on the cape either. Say what you will about Marvel, but they have NEVER subjected us to as much man leg as DC has.

Iron Fist

Oh, Iron Fist. Where to begin? The gigantic collar, the genie pants, the half mask, the sashes…but the worst is definitely HIS YELLOW FLATS. They’re actually cute shoes…FOR A GIRL. I was thinking about how to change his costume so it was still recognizable but so that it wasn’t as horrifying. My solution is to keep the collar but fill in the low neckline and then put on a full mask. And put on some boots or something, for the love of God. Those shoes are just embarrassing.

I still don't understand his power. Can he just punch really hard? But just with the one fist?

Catman

Hint: do not search Catman on Google images. What you see there will haunt you forever.
I am very fond of Catman and he is my favourite member of the Secret Six. His costume style isn't terrible, if a bit generic. But it seems like a ripoff of both Batman and Catwoman's costumes (fitting, I guess, since he was originally supposed to be a ripoff of Batman). But I could live with that, if the colours weren't so simultaneously horrifying and bland together.

Luke Cage

Ahh, the 70s. Where a man could wear a puffy sleeved yellow shirt and a tiara, and he was still feared by criminals. I'm not altogether fond of his "costume" or whatever now, either. It's a wifebeater and jeans I think, which is okay but it would be nice if there was some way to distinguish him as a member of the Avengers.

Power Girl

If you search for Power Girl on Google, almost all the pictures look SO PORNY.

Yes, this is mainly because of the boob window. I read somewhere that the reason she had it was because she couldn't think of a logo, so she just left it blank. I'm so sure. It's not like the logo just fits in there and doesn't have to be attached to fabric or anything. ANYWAY. The boob window is stupid and I'm not a fan of her boots.

There's something about the colour scheme that I like though. The blue is really nice. And I like the gloves on her too, for some reason. Although I'm not generally a fan of gloves.

Blue Beetle (Dan Garrett)

Dan's costume isn't terrible, but the red on top reminds me of a rooster's comb and I hate chickens, so I have this deep visceral reaction to it. I've had dreams about the chickens forming an army and storming the house.

Mr. Terrific

If he was the third smartest man in the world, he wouldn't think that costume was a good idea.

Look, I don’t even know. He has that bizarre face mask thing JUST LIKE whatshisface from Youngblood. Why would two people think that was a good idea? And his jacket that says stuff like, “Fair play” and has his name on the back, like some kind of weirdo letterman jacket. I wasn’t even aware of his existence until he randomly showed up in Wonder Woman and confused me greatly.

Black Canary

No one's happier than me that you've discovered modesty, Dinah, but GEEZ.
While there are issues with her traditional costume, Dinah makes the list because of her brief costume redesign in the 80s. According to Wikipedia, it has a "bird motif" except I can't see anything bird-like except the fact that it makes me want to vomit like a bird vomiting up worms for its offspring. It's...JUST LOOK AT IT. There are no words.

Top 10 Comics Supporting Characters

I'm going to try something I'm hoping to make a weekly installment, provided I can think of enough top 10 lists. Today's list is the best supporting characters in comics. These are characters who have not been major characters in other comics, otherwise I would have included Ted in Birds of Prey or Beast in Cable/Deadpool or Guy Gardner in Blue Beetle. Also, these are from comics I've read, which is why Alfred isn't there (while he's pretty hot in All-Star Batman, he's also not really Alfred) or Aunt May or any of the other iconic supporting characters.

10. Misfit (Birds of Prey)




























Misfit is a homeless teenager with the ability to teleport. She initially wants to be the next Batgirl, but Babs is a total bitch to her (including showing her autopsy photos of Steph, the previous Batgirl) and Misfit gives up on being Batgirl, but not on fighting crime. She tends to teleport into random situations to help the Birds, much to the chagrin of Babs. She's also fond of yelling "DARK VENNNNNNNNNNGEANCCCCCCCCCCCE" for some reason. She's naive and inexperienced, but her enthusiasm is so endearing you can't help but love her.

9. Headpool (Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth)
















Headpool is the zombiefied head of Deadpool. AIM tried to capture him (it?) for a weapon, but Deadpool and Betty stole him. He's just like Deadpool but he seems to be more lecherous, even hitting on Betty multiple times. Headpool has no body, and he still thinks he has game. He also doesn't see his lack of a body as a problem. That takes balls.

8. Skeets (Booster Gold)
















The awesomeness of Skeets was detailed here. He's some kind of security droid that Booster stole from the museum where he worked and now he's a sidekick of sorts to Booster. He's no pansy and joins in fighting whenever he can. He's also probably the one who understands Booster the best, even more than Rip and Michelle sometimes. He's kind of like Alfred crossed with Mr. Butlertron.

7. Monty (Deadpool)













Monty is a somewhat crippled clairvoyant and despite being basically a skeleton who has hardly seen the outside world, he's probably the most grounded and wise character in Deadpool's supporting cast, with the possible exception of Blind Al. He's the one who predicted that Deadpool would be the one to save the world and is involved with L, L, and L until Deadpool kidnaps him for some reason and then they have some zany adventures involving the Black Talon. Monty could have been a cliche of an all-knowing psychic, but he's snarky and he's generally one of the only people who can handle Deadpool. He's also a rare example of a happy ending in the Deadpool verse: he gains a new lease on life when he's thrown out a window and then he has his memory erased but eventually he gets the girl and leaves to start a new life. I think he needs to show up in the new Deadpool ongoing. DO YOU HEAR ME, WAY?

6. Weasel (Deadpool, Cable and Deadpool)














Weasel is Deadpool's best friend and tech support. They have a weird relationship: Deadpool is sometimes extremely abusive of him, but they prove their loyalty to each other time and time again. Weasel went to jail for Deadpool, and it was revealed that Deadpool TiVo'd every episode of Battlestar Galactica when he was in the slammer. One of their best interactions comes after Deadpool eviscerates Agent X:

Weasel: Oh. You spelled 'Hi Weasel' with his intestines.
Deadpool: I knew you'd peek!
Weasel: That was...kinda nice, Wade.

Sums up their relationship in a nutshell. Weasel is as adept at getting himself out of sticky situations as Deadpool is sometimes. Weasel was kidnapped by HYDRA and executed a plan which involved pretending to help HYDRA and instead equipping them all with teleporters that would take them straight to Guantanamo. He defeated HYDRA single-handedly. Granted, they're a bunch of morons, but still, they greatly outnumber him.

5. Paco and Brenda (Blue Beetle)













Paco and Brenda are Jaime's best friends and they occasionally help him out with his crime fighting. Proving you don't need some alien scarab to be a badass, this is after Brenda attacks an alien and Paco finishes him off by hitting him with a stick. The aliens have giant motherships, guns, and presumably extensive training. Two teens can take him out with a stick. They're both fearless in the face of anything and they don't have the advantage of superpowers.

4. Outlaw (Deadpool, Cable and Deadpool, Agent X)



























Outlaw is an expert markswoman with some degree of invulnerability. She's a mercenary who first briefly appears in Deadpool and then is a prominent character in Agent X. (We won't talk about how she was vastly underused and OOC in Cable/Deadpool). She's unique in that she's probably the only comics female who admits to plastic surgery. She's badass and fearless but also compassionate and empathetic to others.

3. Jaime's Family (Blue Beetle)













Jaime's parents knew about his superpowers from the start and their attempts to parent a superhero are one grounding aspect of the series. His whole family is also pretty badass. Here's a partial list:
Bianca: Confronted Guy Gardner and won, confronted Peacemaker and won, joined in the fight against the alien despite (presumably) having zero training.
Berto: Fought off aliens despite needing a cane, fought off zombie things with his cane.
Milagro: Utterly unimpressed by Guy Gardner, kept somewhat calm during an alien invasion, Boostle shipper.

I really like Jaime's family dynamic. His parents are supportive of him fighting crime and yet they still set boundaries and Jaime is respectful of those boundaries. They don't bat an eyelash at whatever comes at them. Milagro just kind of goes with the flow with what's going on, whether it be aliens or supervillains.

(Side note: I love how confused and indignant Guy looks. It took me awhile to figure it out, but I think it's because Ice is hugging Booster and not him. I can just imagine how that must be killing him. Keep smiling, Booster. Guy's gonna get his revenge one of these days.)

2. Blind Al (Deadpool)














Blind Al is blind old lady kept prisoner by Deadpool. Deadpool mocks her and plays mean tricks on her but she never backs down and she always gives as good as she gets. Deadpool needs someone in his life who doesn't let him get away with everything. Even after he went psycho she knew what she was doing and she got Deadpool to apologize to her...by being nice and doing everything he asked. She's the snarkiest old lady this side of Dorothy Zbornak, and I love her for it.

1. Bob (Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool v2)



























Bob is a HYDRA agent who was kidnapped by Deadpool. He joined HYDRA for the health plan and primarily learns how to hide from danger. He's loyal to and has a kind of hero worship for Deadpool, who treats him like a puppy who insists on following him around. He has a tendency to get hurt in his duty as Deadpool's sidekick of sorts, but this doesn't stop him from following Deadpool wherever he goes.