Bye bye, Bats

What I love about this:

1. Superman's kind of confused expression.

2. Kyle's "Oh, Guy...

" facepalm.

3. Batman's analytical "hnn"

4. JOHN'S EXPRESSION OF ABSOLUTE HORROR. You'd think that Cthulhu's tentacles had just emerged from Guy's ass.

This is why Guy's the best GL of all time: he has the balls to moon Batman AND HE WILL DO SO IN SPACE.

Chase is proof that you don't need powers to be a superhero.

Also amusing: the "snik" noise his knife makes. I guess "snikt" is trademarked by Wolverine.

That pantsless suit is so attractive.

All Batman, all the time

Poor Cap doesn't know how to deal with Batman...the goddamn Batman doesn't take orders from anyone, even though he agreed Cap should be the leader of the two teams.

I'm guessing Oracle might be the only person who can successfully intimidate Batman, and this guy's gone up against Darkseid. On a related note, this art is HORRENDOUS.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIS FACE??

He's watching someone who may or may not be Cass killing a man. Now, we can all agree that murder is bad, but I still don't know why this surprised him so much. Cass was raised to be an assassin BY an assassin. Bats is dreaming if he thinks she didn't get some practical education in.

I'm pretty sure that every Christmas Alfred goes out and buys a whole bunch of Batman merchandise and gives it to the bat family as gifts.

You can't really see it in these panels, so I'll explain. Plas is trying to get his ex's kid out of a gang, and then it's gradually revealed that it's his son. Plas knew it all along but freaked out and left. Bats says, "Of all of us, even Clark, I always thought you would make the best father." Plas denies this and starts talking in a self-deprecating manner. Bats then replies, "Because I thought you would be the kind of father who would show his children that he loved them, instead of just telling them. I thought you would make them laugh all of the time."

All together now: "Awwwww." I'm not a huge Batman fan (I know, I know: SACRILEGE) but my favourite aspect of his personality is that he always believes in the least-respected members of the JLA, even when they don't believe in themselves. First it's Booster Gold, then it's Plas.

I still hate Guy's hair though

I cannot express to you my excitement when I saw this panel. Guy Gardner is a hilarious asshole. Lobo is a hilarious asshole. TOGETHER, THEY HAVE DOUBLE THE HIL

ARITY. I have a deep, occasionally irrational love for each of these characters and my heart burst with joy at the prospect of them together. They kind of mentioned in passing something about Lobo and Guy teaming up WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME AND I NEED TO FIND THIS COMIC LIKE, YESTERDAY.

Spidey is so out of his league here. He may be A list in the Marvel universe, but he's no match for the DCU.

Nick Charles!

This is from Plastic Man v4. The comic took a little getting used to at first: it's very unrealistic and cartoony (to match the Tex Avery-esque art) but I think I like it. Sometimes it seems very child-like and Looney Tunes humour, and then Kyle Baker will throw in a sexual innuendo. It's very jarring sometimes. I prefer Plastic Man's wackiness with some serious moments thrown in, whereas vol. 4 is all wackiness, all the time.

The Lukey or the tiger?

Don't ever tell me Luke Cage isn't the most awesome hero of all time: HE PUNCHED

A TIGER IN THE NECK. The confused "ROWR?" is just the icing on the cake.

And here, in a nutshell, is why I love Joe Kelly as a writer: Plastic Man as Flash being crushed by his long lost son who has taken the shape of a giant dinosaur. The sound effect, coupled with the giant dinosaur rear end and just the boots showing is the best. That panel could not be more perfect.

There's so much about this that I love. Zatanna's no doubt hilarious story, Ollie and Clint's battle of the trick arrows (seen over Zatanna's head in panel 1), Shulkie cheering on arm wrestlers, and perhaps most of all, Guy being yelled for his dirty thoughts by Moondragon, who is probably stronger than he is, even with his power ring.

My Least Favourite Costumes

If you really think about it, superhero costumes are ridiculous. Can you imagine actually WEARING some of that shit, or what it would look like on an actual human being? Yeah. But, some are worse than others. Way worse.

Plastic Man

We'll start of with the worst of the worst, which is Plastic Man's costume. I love that dude. Whenever he shows up, things get fun. Like Wonder Woman, Superman/Batman (where he was pretty heroic) and Batman: The Brave and the Bold. But his costume is horrendous. It's like wearing a speedo all the time. Number 1, that's gotta be uncomfortable. Number 2, PLEASE PLAS, THINK OF THE CHILDREN. And then there's the slit in the front with the tie up. Um, it's doubtful even a GIRL could pull that off, forget a guy. He has some classic douchey white sunglasses too, but I think they fit his personality. I hope to God they never make a live action Plas because I could only watch between the slits in my fingers.

Donna Troy

Donna's outfit looks like she went to a Dazzler concert and tried to emulate her style. What she failed to realize was that no one wants to be like Dazzler. Her sparkly jumpsuit is so disco and dated. And I KNOW she has style, because her Wonder Woman costume made it to the list of my favourite costumes.

Robin

The early Robin costume (worn by Dick Grayson and Jason Todd) is awful. I don't even know what material the shorts are made out of...it looks like alligator skin or something. Did Batman design it? And what was going through his mind when he did so? The pixie boots make him look like an idiot and I'm not really a huge fan of the collar on the cape either. Say what you will about Marvel, but they have NEVER subjected us to as much man leg as DC has.

Iron Fist

Oh, Iron Fist. Where to begin? The gigantic collar, the genie pants, the half mask, the sashes…but the worst is definitely HIS YELLOW FLATS. They’re actually cute shoes…FOR A GIRL. I was thinking about how to change his costume so it was still recognizable but so that it wasn’t as horrifying. My solution is to keep the collar but fill in the low neckline and then put on a full mask. And put on some boots or something, for the love of God. Those shoes are just embarrassing.

I still don't understand his power. Can he just punch really hard? But just with the one fist?

Catman

Hint: do not search Catman on Google images. What you see there will haunt you forever.
I am very fond of Catman and he is my favourite member of the Secret Six. His costume style isn't terrible, if a bit generic. But it seems like a ripoff of both Batman and Catwoman's costumes (fitting, I guess, since he was originally supposed to be a ripoff of Batman). But I could live with that, if the colours weren't so simultaneously horrifying and bland together.

Luke Cage

Ahh, the 70s. Where a man could wear a puffy sleeved yellow shirt and a tiara, and he was still feared by criminals. I'm not altogether fond of his "costume" or whatever now, either. It's a wifebeater and jeans I think, which is okay but it would be nice if there was some way to distinguish him as a member of the Avengers.

Power Girl

If you search for Power Girl on Google, almost all the pictures look SO PORNY.

Yes, this is mainly because of the boob window. I read somewhere that the reason she had it was because she couldn't think of a logo, so she just left it blank. I'm so sure. It's not like the logo just fits in there and doesn't have to be attached to fabric or anything. ANYWAY. The boob window is stupid and I'm not a fan of her boots.

There's something about the colour scheme that I like though. The blue is really nice. And I like the gloves on her too, for some reason. Although I'm not generally a fan of gloves.

Blue Beetle (Dan Garrett)

Dan's costume isn't terrible, but the red on top reminds me of a rooster's comb and I hate chickens, so I have this deep visceral reaction to it. I've had dreams about the chickens forming an army and storming the house.

Mr. Terrific

If he was the third smartest man in the world, he wouldn't think that costume was a good idea.

Look, I don’t even know. He has that bizarre face mask thing JUST LIKE whatshisface from Youngblood. Why would two people think that was a good idea? And his jacket that says stuff like, “Fair play” and has his name on the back, like some kind of weirdo letterman jacket. I wasn’t even aware of his existence until he randomly showed up in Wonder Woman and confused me greatly.

Black Canary

No one's happier than me that you've discovered modesty, Dinah, but GEEZ.
While there are issues with her traditional costume, Dinah makes the list because of her brief costume redesign in the 80s. According to Wikipedia, it has a "bird motif" except I can't see anything bird-like except the fact that it makes me want to vomit like a bird vomiting up worms for its offspring. It's...JUST LOOK AT IT. There are no words.