I still hate Guy's hair though

I cannot express to you my excitement when I saw this panel. Guy Gardner is a hilarious asshole. Lobo is a hilarious asshole. TOGETHER, THEY HAVE DOUBLE THE HIL

ARITY. I have a deep, occasionally irrational love for each of these characters and my heart burst with joy at the prospect of them together. They kind of mentioned in passing something about Lobo and Guy teaming up WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME AND I NEED TO FIND THIS COMIC LIKE, YESTERDAY.

Spidey is so out of his league here. He may be A list in the Marvel universe, but he's no match for the DCU.

Nick Charles!

This is from Plastic Man v4. The comic took a little getting used to at first: it's very unrealistic and cartoony (to match the Tex Avery-esque art) but I think I like it. Sometimes it seems very child-like and Looney Tunes humour, and then Kyle Baker will throw in a sexual innuendo. It's very jarring sometimes. I prefer Plastic Man's wackiness with some serious moments thrown in, whereas vol. 4 is all wackiness, all the time.

I also like the Tin Soldier segment

If you were going to make a joke about the Greek gods' choices in sexual partners, you could do a lot better than a homosexuality joke. For instance, you could talk about Zeus's penchant for fucking anything with four legs, or his penchant for fucking his relatives.

Hey, I love Fantasia 2000. Rhapsody in Blue and Carnival of the Animals were great.

My favourite part of Superman/Batman was Superman's unexpected snark streak. He's kind of like Betty White on Golden Girls: you think he's so sweet and innocent and then BAM snark attack! It works especially well since Batman (when not written by Joe Kelly at least) is so humourless.

That could take poke out an eye

Red Hood has kidnapped Dick and Damian and posted online that if he had enough votes, a live webcam feed of those two naked would go up.

1. I'm pretty sure that everyone in the DCU wants to see Dick naked.

2. Damian is 10 years old. That shit is MESSED. UP.

Ollie and Clint are so much alike that it's so hilarious when they interact. What happens when two overly cocky archers come together? AWESOMEN

ESS.

I just noticed right now that Clint is JACKED. Ollie needs to work out more.

Frank Miller...boobs don't work that way.

I can't think of Sherwood Forest the same way.

So much about this that I love. Doom didn't have enough foresight to make his armour impervious to repeated blows. Luke is the only - repeat, THE ONLY - person to e

ver try this. Doom's face whe

n his circuitry breaks down. And later on Doom is completely charmed by Luke Cage and shows him a secret passageway out of his castle and lets him escape Latveria. I smell sitcom.

Come on, DC, you already have one skank with a boob window, and her name is Power Girl.

Yeah, they did a lot more than that, chibi!Canary, but you're too young to hear about that.

Pink pants

I get that Shulkie's supposed to be sassy and sexy, but that doesn't seem to be the best outfit of choice to argue in court.

Not to mention, that's a lot of boobage for a prestigious job like She-Hulk's.

I love Parademon. He's so perceptive. I'm sad he's only in the first mini. Now that I think about it, I love anyone and anything out of Apokalips. I love Barda, I love Mr. Miracle, I love Parademon, and I'm fond of all the Furies (especially Granny Goodness). I even enjoy reading about Darkseid.

Pimp

This dude is PIMPED. OUT. Check out that gigantic gau

ntlet. Also, if I'm not mistaken, he runs his little operation inside the alternate dimensio

n inside Cloak's cloak.

From Batman and Robin, I present to you: Flamingo.

Damian: I expected scary, not gay.

I can't remember this plotline AT ALL, but I love JJ's bling.

This guy has, hands down, the best outfit of all time. Pimp on top, voodoo master on the bottom.

I love these time travelling pimp wolves. Probably the only part of Joss Whedon's run on Runaways that I liked.

Who would win in a fight?

I picked ten heroes from the DCU and MU (five males, five females) and put their names on pieces of paper and mixed them up in two separate bowls. I picked two at a time and pitted them against each other. Before you are the results:

Spider-Man vs. Aquaman

Abilities

Spider-Man- web shooters, increased speed and agility, can stick to walls.

Aquaman- Can talk to animals, can breathe underwater

On paper, Aquaman looks really lame, but he’s stronger than people give him credit for. Dude got his arm chewed off by a piranha and he’s still badass. Unfortunately, all fights take place on land, so Aquaman has a distinct disadvantage already. Spider-Man is faster and more agile. However, overall Aquaman is definitely stronger and probably the better strategist. In his fight with Namor, he dropped a whale on that guy’s head. Aquaman just needs to do that and Spidey’s toast.

WINNER: Aquaman

Molly Hayes vs. Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes)

Abilities

Blue Beetle- basically anything: suit has a large arsenal of weapons, strength, speed, flight.

Molly Hayes- super-strength, cuteness.

This one seems easy at first: Molly doesn’t have much besides super strength, and she has to sleep after even one use of that resource. Blue Beetle can do practically anything. HOWEVER, Jaime would never in a million years use his powers against an eleven year old girl, especially since he has a sister the same age. I think they would make a truce.

WINNER: Draw

Hercules vs. Ragdoll

Abilities

Ragdoll- can contort himself into any shape imaginable

Hercules- super strength

If Ragdoll tries to pull his signature move and strangle Herc from above, Herc will crush him like a beer can.

WINNER: Hercules

Power Man vs. Power Girl (I swear I didn’t rig this)

Abilities

Power Man- skin of steel, super strength

Power Girl- Flight, super strength, skin of steel

This would be a pretty even match. Both are very strong, both are brawlers, and both are determined. But even though Power Man has about 250 pounds on her, he’s only human and she’s a Kryptonian. Plus she can fly.

WINNER: Power Girl

Outlaw vs. Damian Wayne (Robin)

Abilities

Outlaw- expert markswoman, martial artist, degree of super strength

Damian- martial artist

If Outlaw was doing her best, I would say she would win hands down. But here’s what I see happening: Outlaw would be pulling her punches because Damian’s just a kid. He would then sneak in there and take her down because he has no such compunctions.

WINNER: Damian

Squirrel Girl vs. Oracle

Abilities

Squirrel Girl- practically invincible

Oracle- martial artist, professional badass

Much as I love Oracle, Squirrel Girl pwns everyone. No exceptions.

WINNER: Squirrel Girl

Spider-Girl vs. Guy Gardner

Abilities

Spider-Girl- enhanced strength, speed, and agility; can stick to things, trained fighter

Guy Gardner- Power ring allows him to make anything he thinks of manifest, pretty strong without it though

Guy has no such moral standards about beating up on teenagers, thus, no silly draws here. Spider-Girl has been improving and she’s taken down an impressive number of villains, but Guy has been in the game longer, he can make anything he wants just by thinking about it, and he really, really wants to win.

WINNER: Guy Gardner

Deadpool vs. Wonder Woman

Abilities

Deadpool- healing factor, expert at multiple weapons

Wonder Woman- flight, expert martial artist, owns lasso of truth

Let’s face it: Wonder Woman is A-list, and Deadpool is stuck in the B-list. In Secret Six, Deadshot shot at her at point blank range and she deflected every bullet with her bracelets. She’s been in the JLA with Plastic Man so she’s immune to mile a minute patter. He may be able to heal, but all she has to do is pick him up and fly him to the nearest lake and drop him in.

WINNER: Wonder Woman

Cassandra Cain vs. She-Hulk

Abilities

Cass- can predict opponents’ moves, excellent martial artist

She-Hulk- super strength, healing

Cassandra is undoubtedly the better fighter, but She-Hulk is about 10 times stronger than Cass is. So the question is, does strategy beat pure muscle? All Cass would have to do is that nerve pinch thing she's done to Spoiler multiple times, and Shulkie's out.

WINNER: Cass

Wolverine vs. Barda

Abilities

Wolverine- adamantium claws, healing factor, indestructible skeleton

Barda- extreme strength, awesomeness

Wolverine has brute strength and determination, but Barda lived in Apokalips for a long time. That place isn’t exactly Candyland. Plus Barda can uproot trees. She’s stronger than Wolverine AND she’s the more advanced fighter.

WINNER: Barda

SCORE

DC-7

Marvel-2

Tie: 1

My, my, aren't we bloodthirsty?

Luke Cage: the gift that keeps on giving. This dude lost his hand and had it replaced WITH A MACE. That takes a spectacular lack of foresight. For instance, how does he wipe? Cook? Type?















This is, hands down, the best letter ever sent to the comics pages. It starts out normal enough: "Dear Spider-Girl: I just wanted to say, yaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhoooooooo! What a great ride this has been so far!" Okay, normal letters fare...then it goes COMPLETELY OFF THE RAILS. I talk about Kevin Smith's stories going off the rails, but this is more insane than (spoiler) Ollie's rich benefactor turning out to be a Satanist who conjured a demon who turned out to be his grandson's best friend and then later getting eaten by said demon. The letter then continues: "I can't wait to see how Peter and MJ will die and what other tragic things will happen in May's life."

WTFFF?? I'm so glad I read the letters pages because this made me laugh SO HARD, you don't even know. Who says that? The best part is that it starts out so happy and then keeps that happy tone throughout the whole insane letter, even when he's talking about how he can't wait to see Peter and MJ die.



















Poor J'onn. He doesn't argue. He just takes it like a man (Martian).

The Lukey or the tiger?

Don't ever tell me Luke Cage isn't the most awesome hero of all time: HE PUNCHED

A TIGER IN THE NECK. The confused "ROWR?" is just the icing on the cake.

And here, in a nutshell, is why I love Joe Kelly as a writer: Plastic Man as Flash being crushed by his long lost son who has taken the shape of a giant dinosaur. The sound effect, coupled with the giant dinosaur rear end and just the boots showing is the best. That panel could not be more perfect.

There's so much about this that I love. Zatanna's no doubt hilarious story, Ollie and Clint's battle of the trick arrows (seen over Zatanna's head in panel 1), Shulkie cheering on arm wrestlers, and perhaps most of all, Guy being yelled for his dirty thoughts by Moondragon, who is probably stronger than he is, even with his power ring.

I'm eating for A THOUSAND

I'm very amused how May is completely unconcerned with Felicity Hardy and Franklin Richards back there. She doesn't care that one or both may be injured. She's all, "damn, Scarlet

Spider fell...oh well, at least Franklin broke her fall." At least now May cares about Franklin about as much as everyone else does. Hopefully his appearances will be few and far between now that May doesn't have a crush on him anymore. I'll take more Darkdevil instead. Or Normie and Raptor.

Well this is...less than appealing.

Side note: DC has some pretty stupid villains. Marvel has Stilt-Man and Lady Stilt-Man, but DC has both a caterpillar with super intelligence (Mr. Mind) and a blue and purple star that attaches to your face (Starro).

Best story arc of LIFE (well, in the DCU at least...it's about on par with the Luke Cage storyline where he strong arms the FF into giving him their jet and then he flies to Latveria to get Doom to cough up two hundred bucks.) Anyway, chibi heroes and villains appear in the normal universe and have to learn to cope.

As a side note, I was showing my Mom different examples of artwork to see which ones she liked best. I showed her this panel (Rafael Albuquerque), Studio Udon, I think Michael Turner, and Ed McGuinness. Mom liked this one the least, and when I asked her why she said that "the characters looked too childlike." I then informed her that was the point. You'd think she'd have realized that from the presence of the real Batman, but then again I had sensed that her heart wasn't really in the discussion.

Happy isn't very happy

Is Dinah really THAT unselfaware? Like her leather leotard/fishnets ensemble wasn't ALREADY dressing like a hooker.

As a side note, later on Wonder Woman and Black Canary go to Japan for some reason and they both dress like strippers. Clearly, that's not a problem for Canary. Chuck Dixon wasn't thinking when he wrote this panel.

Geez Tony, even in the lighthearted Marvel Adventures universe you're a dickhead. Look how utterly depressed Happy looks. That's the last time he ever asks you for any advice.

I'm guessing that Damian is wearing Kevlar under his suit, but being shot five times at close range is NOT something from which you generally recover (unless you're 50 cent). No one seems very worried though, including Damian. Did they just forget when something VERY similar happened to Barbara Gordon? Perhaps they're just assuming that Talia will pop him into a Lazarus pit and he'll be fine, although that didn't really work out for Jason Todd.

But what happens if he has to wipe?

Luke Cage: Home of the best villains of all time. Don't believe me?

Senor Muerte! Spins a little thingie on his chest and then forces you to pick which hand to shake...choose poorly, and you get ELECTROCUTED. He's kind of like Two-Face mixed with Anton Chigurh with a huge helping of lame. But it's so lame it's also kind of awesome. It also occurs to me just now that he could definitely have been played in a movie by Billy Dee Williams back in the day. Probably even now.

Luke Cage: confident in his masculinity.

This may be the best cheesecake shot I've ever seen.

Sound Effect Mania

I've had a bunch of sound effect pictures saved for an epic post, and that time is TODAY, my friends!

Green Goblin is second only to T-Ray (and maybe Typhoid Mary) on my list of most hated villains, but he has some badass sound effects. BWOMF? Come on, that's awesome. If I ever write comic books, I would have so much fun making up the most random sound effects.

Plus I love puns.

Booster Gold/Donkey Kong crossover: SO WRONG, IT'S RIGHT.

I'm sorry, but I have NO IDEA what KRAKKA KRAKKA FOOM is supposed to sound like in real life. Maybe the FOOM part, but not the

KRAKKA KRAKKA.

Ditto for RRAKKOOOO. Half

the time I think the writers are just fucking with us with some of these sound effects.

PS: I like that Hal/Parallax says "Gnats" when something goes wrong.

Like RUMP? Come on, that's a noun, not a sound effect. Parenthetically, I have no idea what comic this is from. I should label my pictures better.

So that's the sound that grabbing a hidden recorder from a dbag in a weird looking wetsuit makes.

If you've ever wondered what it sounds like when your fake parents from another universe make a cake come into existence out of thin air...now you know.

On the other hand, this is a great representation of what it would sound like to get your heart removed by Zombie Ted.

Fred Van Lente is, hands down, the king of sound effects. Sproy bloom? It makes NO SENSE but it's AWESOME.

PS: This is my only exposure to Namora, and I LOVE HER despite the fact that she is for some reason in love with her cousin Namor, he of the Spock eyebrows and scaly Speedos.

Edit: Apparently Namor and Namora are NOT related by blood, making her crush less uncomfortable. I still ship Namora/Herc though.

Damien Wayne: second best Robin

Batman/Spider-Man crossover: so wrong, and yet SO RIGHT. I also enjoy Batman's parka. You'd think Lucius could invent a heated suit or something.

This outfit is...pretty outstanding. I'm not sure what my reaction would be if this dude broke into my house. I mean, he has a gun and an eyepatch, which are fairly intimidating. But on the other hand, he's wearing a belly shirt and bike shorts. There is no excuse for that.

Is Damien British? Somehow that just makes him more entertaining. I love and hate that kid at the same time.

Look at the shit eating grin on that C-lister. He knows the place is going to blow because of his gasoline blood, but he doesn't care, as long as he takes out three members of the Batfamily.

Damien is so different from Batman, but somehow it makes perfect sense that he would be the product of Batman and Talia. Neither are particularly nice people, so it makes sense that their kid is a demon. Mostly I just feel sorry for Dick. He has no real responsibility for Damien and yet in the aftermath of Bruce's death he inherits the little shit disturber.

Biopropellent

I just love Cass and Steph. There are a bunch of female superheroes that I love, but the two Batgirls are rare in that they don't have to dress like skanks. I've stated a few times that Cass's costume is my favourite and while I'm not a huge fan of the Spoiler costume (I like Steph's Batgirl costume a lo

t more) I do have to appreciate that Steph's not all boobs and legs in it (plus I think she's about 16 here so...that would be creepy). Cass is definitely one of the most formidable superheroes in the DCU (I'm pretty sure she defeated Shiva which is...not that easy) and even Batman respects her. Steph is less so but she tries hard and genuinely works to become better. Why did these girls not have their own series together? Come on, DC.

I have almost no memory of this storyline. I think it was from Superman/Batman but I'm not even

really sure of that. If it was, it's from the post-Jeph Loeb era where nothing makes sense anymore. I just appreciate the stuttering robot calling the other robot an asshole.

This is from Cable and Deadpool. I read this last year and then again really recently. I had NO memory of Shatterstar's one panel appearance. I love him and his three ponytails. My only exposure to X-Force is from whenever they show up in Deadpool and when Boom Boom/Meltdown/Tabby was on Nextwave. I don't know what it is, but every time I see them I just get the feeling that they're X-Men rejects who want desperately to be taken seriously but they can't. I mean come on: Shatterstar has three ponytails and wears boxing headgear, Cannonball(s) wears aviator goggles, and Siryn has some kind of weird cape thingie attached to her wrists. I don't even know what Cannonball's power is. He says he's a "biopropellent" and it appears that fire comes out of his ass and makes him fly. What a great power.