Riddler is the best

I'm pretty sure I physically recoiled when I saw this wall of text staring at me. Then I was like, "...is this Bendis?" Yes. Yes it is.

THIS BEAR WILL HAUNT MY NIGHTMARES FOREVER OMGOMG

This is my favourite issue of Gotham City Sirens because Riddler is nonstop awesome, but I really like this panel because HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Sure, he saved the girl from an explosion and then he kept the bad guys talking (except...I'm pretty sure he would have done that anyway since he was pretty much talking about how smart he was) and then Batman came in and apprehended the killers.

And he totally does have a Batsignal in his cane.

PACK ATTACK

Dear Gurihiru: please draw Katie Power all the time. Thank you.

Yeah okay, Julie. When has talking it out with the villains EVER worked?

Katie Power is adorable yes, but I think the best part of this is their mom's expression. She's obviously enchanted by the Katie cuteness, but she's also kind of like, "why the fuck is my kid doing this right now?"

They even sort of have matching outfits

So I'm reading New Avengers and there's this page with a crapload of Marvel characters and I'm squeeing over my favourites: "Thor! Herc! Howard the Duck???"

There is nothing about Luke Cage's solo series from the 70s that I don't love. NOTHING.

I have a somewhat shameful secret: I totally ship Wildcat and Catwoman.

I wasn't even aware they knew each other until this JSA comic where Ted gets beaten up and Catwoman nurses him back to health. Apparently he trained her (something else I noticed: does Ted exclusively train attractive vigilante women?) and they're buddies (he shows up in Gotham City Sirens and they spar). Anyway, after this issue, I was totally sold on the match. They evidently like each other, they're both rough around the edges, he's still totally smokin' for a, what 60 year old man? Plus they both have a cat motif. It's a match made in heaven, I'm telling you. I think they're so cute together. Plus, I already HARDCORE ship Batman/Wonder Woman and this very conveniently removes Catwoman from the picture. Much like my Batman/Wonder Woman ship, I don't have a WHOLE lot of basis for the match, but it just seems right to me, somehow.

ETA: Possible Wildcat/Catwoman phone sex. I want this ship to be canon so bad.

The universe can't handle the awesomeness of a Katie Power/Shulkie teamup

This is the most gratuitous Booster ass shot I have ever seen.

No matter what comic he's in, Booster always has the most lovingly detailed rear. I think only Nightwing beats him in the sheer number of butt shots.

Can these two team up forever please? Thank you.

Jay's my favourite JSA member. He's like an awesome and yet amusingly embarrassing grandpa. And his hat is the best.

Marvel actually has quite a few French characters

I read Agent X back before I knew who Batroc was and this apparently made no impression on me because I totally forgot about it. But now that I can appreciate how amazi

ng these panels are...can we speculate on the mother of Batroc's daughter?? She has an accent so the mother is probably French. I'm blanking on any French Marvel characters. Damn.

I also find it strangely sweet that Tasky has respect for Batroc.

ETA: Things I learned from the Marvel wiki: Batroc can apparently lift 500 pounds. He also sometimes leads a group called "Batroc's Brigade." That is awesome.

ETA2: This is my pick for the mother of Batroc's children: Marie-Ange Colbert. My reasons:

-She is French.

-She is described as being good at heart, which Batroc is too.

That's pretty much it. But now that I've made the decision, I will defend it.

That's actually a really good point. Couple of things:

1. I reeeeally hate that Taskmaste costume. It's like some unholy bastard child of Robin Hood, a pirate, and Jack Skellington.

2. What is Tasky doing? Checking out his manicure?

3. I thought Butterball was so interesting and I wished he could have stuck around longer (although I do concede that perhaps superhero boot camp wasn't the best place for him). He would probably have been the Initiative's best asset - he literally cannot be harmed - except his invulnerability doesn't automatically make him a good or strong fighter. Usually if someone is invulnerable they are automatically strong and good fighters but if you really think about it, the two don't necessarily go together.

And now for something completely different:

I originally saved this as "kory no pants" and I assume I was going to talk about how Kory decided to cover up for the meeting with Lobo and ended up covering NOTHING but there is so much more interesting shit happening on the left side of the panel. Lobo. In a bishop's hat. Sitting on a throne. Conversing with a gigantic grasshopper while a talking dolphin floats nearby. There is NOTHING about that scene that is not awesome. NOTHING. I halfway think Grant Morrison (I think this was the part of 52 he wrote) was tripping when he came up with the concept and maybe while he pitched it to DC as well. "No seriously, guys. Lobo has taken a vow of pacifism. He's worshipped by these giant insects and shit, and a space dolphin is his advisor! And like, Kory and Buddy and Adam Strange do some stuff too. Kory is mostly pantsless" and DC was too intimidated by his popularity to argue so they're like, "hey, whatevs. Just as long as it comes out on time." And voila. I was less than interested in the Kory/Buddy/Adam storyline until they met Lobo.

I prefer his assless chaps

This is from Gotham City Sirens. The girls have just set Riddler up to get torn apart by animals commanded by Dr. Aesop (which, worst name/gimmick EVER. Seriously). I felt pretty bad for the Riddler here since he was doing the girls a favour in the first place, until I read Catwoman: When in Rome, where he drugged Catwoman so she would let Batman's identity slip. So, I don't feel as bad now.

Okay, maybe a little bad. I love him a lot as a reformed villain. He's like a morally ambiguous version of the Question.

Oh GUY.

What I enjoy about Guy's short-lived Punisher-esque phase is that HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE THOSE GUNS. So what was going through his mind when he decided to get them? "Oh, I'll just figure it out as I go along"? Because that worked out so well.

Also, I miss his hooker sidekick. He randomly started talking to her about his fears and insecurities and then she just kind of...followed him around. She never did anything. She was just kind of there. I loved her. Her presence made no sense.

Detective Chimp needs to be in more stuff because I think I'm in love with him.

I...um...what? Did they just throw a Life on Mars reference into Blue Beetle? Yes they did.

Vic is alive in my mind, along with Barda and Ted and Luke's old wardrobe

Much like a lot of stuff with Lobo, I feel kind of bad for laughing at this, but come on.

Okay, I love the Black Marvel family (at least until SPOILER Isis and Osiris get killed by Sobek the talking crocodile and Adam goes on a bloody rampage). As said before, I'm a sucker for bad people who get redeemed through the power of love. I SHOULD think this proposal is sweet but HOLY CRAP WHAT'S UP WITH HIS SMILE??? I hope it's the artist's intention to make it as damn creepy as possible, because holy crap.

PS: The main reasons I was reading 52 were a) Booster Gold, b) the Black Marvel storyline, and c) The extreme awesomeness of Vic Sage. As of issue 45 or so, Booster only shows up sporadically; two thirds of the Black Marvel family are dead, the third is killing people willy nilly in a bloodlust fuelled rage, and Sobek the talking crocodile - formerly my favourite character - is crazy evil; and Vic is dead! So I've kind of slacked off in reading 52. Not even Lobo as a space-priest with a space dolphin sidekick can keep me reading. Plus there's the fact that at any given moment I have no damn idea what is going on or why everything is related. I had the same problem with Trinity, except the Dreambound, Gangbuster, and Hawkman were sufficiently awesome to keep me reading.

Yes, Canada needs superheroes because YOU KILLED ALPHA FLIGHT OFF PANEL, BENDIS! Dammit.

As a side note, how AWESOME would it be if Luke and Jess relocated to Toronto permanently and fought crime there? Rhetorical question: it would be super awesome. Squirrel Girl could join them as a live in nanny and maybe Iron Fist could branch out his business internationally and move to Toronto. Maybe the Daughters of the Dragon could join them, restart their PI business, taking Jess on as a partner. Best comic ever.

They join Shulkie/Aquaman on my list of ships that will never happen

This is hands down my favourite panel of 52 ever, and this is a comic that has Lobo followed around by a space dolphin. I cannot tell you how much I wish I had the opportunity in real life to hear "This is Sobek, the talking crocodile. He's my best friend." Brilliant. I also appreciate Gar's and Raven's shocked looks. You'd think with all the crap they've seen, a talking crocodile would be nothing to them.

I love love love the Black Marvel family and I absolutely cannot explain why. I think I'm just a sucker for bad people redeeming themselves, especially if it involves the power of love.

Background: the Avengers go to the ghetto and just stand there, and everyone's like, "wtf?" Luke explains for the cameras that sometimes police will send squads to bad neighbourhoods and just kind of stand around in order to scare off thugs, and this is what they're doing. I love the dramatic leadup and then the kind of anti-climactic conclusion to his speech though: "We are going to come to your neighbourhood! And we are just going to stand there!" Luke, that doesn't sound as epic as you think it does.

I confess, for a split second when that chick on the left mentions setting Dick up with a Tabitha, I had a brief moment of "BOOM BOOM???" I now ship those two, FYI. So wrong, and yet SO AWESOME.

Doom seems to have quite a few weaknesses

Some people realize just a little too late that maybe capes aren't the best plan:

I always like when Doom tries and fails to retain his dignity.

There are three things I love about Mr. Miracle's series:

1. Barda

2. The relationship between Barda and Scott, and

3. How every character narrates their every thought and action.

Moving on:

Oh NAMOR. You big romantic softie.

POWER PACK

I used to be really into Marvel when I first started reading comics, but I've been into DC almost exclusively for a pretty long time. My favourite comics are those with strong female characters, of which DC has many and Marvel doesn't. Recently I thought to myself, "what did I ever see in Marvel? There aren't that many characters I even like." Then I read Power Pack, and all became clear: Marvel is home to Katie Power. And Katie Power is awesome.

Katie's power is the absorption of energy which she can then attack others with. In one issue, the Power Pack team up with Iron Man and occasionally Rhodey to take down a bunch of old Iron Man suits that come to life in a museum through the machinations of the Puppeteer. They're doing okay with the older costumes, but the newer costumes are proving to be a bit of a problem. There are sensors on the wall in case of theft: if you touch one, you get a blast of 10 000 volts (which, sure: I'M GONNA GO UP AND TOUCH THE SENSORS ON THE WALL). Katie decides to absorb the power these sensors provide:

And singlehandedly destroys like ten Iron Man costumes. She's the strongest member of the Power Pack AND SHE KNOWS IT.

In Thor and the Warriors Four, the Pack go to Asgard and meet up with Thor and Beta Ray Bill. Katie immediately takes a shine to Bill and he doesn't really know how to handle it.

I remember seeing the first panel where she asks if he wants a bite of her carrot (she thinks he's a horse) but it took me forever to notice the second panel, WHERE HE ACTUALLY EATS THE CARROT.

There can never be enough of Katie Power being held by other superheroes. So cute.

And then he gets blasted by Katie Power, who is sick of this shit.

As a side note, I'm loving that they put him in his new costume. They don't use that costume enough, methinks.

I want these two to team up forever. How awesome would that be? Super awesome.

Party at the Frees

Guys. Mr. Miracle's solo series is AMAZING. Admittedly, I only really like it when Barda's there, but she's in almost every issue so the point is moot. Vol. 1, written by Jack Kirby is great of course, but the nice thing about Mr. Miracle is that as far as I can tell (I haven't read much beyond the Kirby run) is that it retains the original characterization and quality. Take this issue by Doug Moench, in which Barda throws a party, which is as awesome as it sounds:

Things I love about this: 1) J'onn's civvies. 2) Ted uses his millions to buy designer lampshades for the purpose of partying. 3) Kil is confused about party lingo (and who is he talking to?). 4) Is Oberon hitting on Fire? That's the most random pairing I've seen since I read a JSA comic with Wildcat and Catwoman and started shipping them.

I'm not totally sure why, but Kilowog and Ted on the right there crack me up EVERY time. I think it's because everyone else is having a laid back evening chatting about stuff, while Ted just desperately wants to be at a rowdy party. Also, J'onn surrounded by women reminds me of the part in Formerly Known As the Justice League where Batman jokes that "Martian pheromones. The women go absolutely wild."

It's not a party until two feral Mr. Miracles with a hate-on for the JLA show up.

The party parts are amazing enough, but we're not even getting into the actual plot, which involves an Albanian noodle monster (EXACTLY what it sounds like) turning Mr. Miracle and his protege/mentee/not sure, Shilo, into feral monsters. Barda turns Scott back into himself by threatening to divorce him, but this still leaves the matter of the noodle monster. Guy, Ice, and Fire take care of him by, well...

For some reason "I should be al dente!" makes me laugh so hard. I'm not sure which my favourite villain solution is: this, or when Deadpool defeated Tasky by dancing.

Oh, and:

Next time I go to the Dance Cave, I'm going to do this move while shouting "Now you're doing the Blue Beetle Bump!" Trust me, that's not going to be the weirdest thing that ever happened at the Dance Cave.

I've never really looked at the background in any depth, but now that I have there are some things I like. Kilowog is apparently slow dancing with Mama Mound while everyone is dancing to what seems to be an upbeat song, that guy who I'm assuming is a New God over to the left, J'onn dancing by himself, and Guy making a platform appear for no other reason than that he probably just wants to be above everyone else, because that's the kind of amusing jerk that he is.

I've played piano for close to 15 years, and I have never seen that music symbol in the middle there that looks like it's a Chinese symbol. I'm going to assume that's some kind of Apokalips musical notation.

Marvel Mania

I've been reading a ton of DC lately and devoting most of the blog to it, so I thought I would turn my attention to Marvel today.

Jessica's a BAMF. She needs to show up in more things. There's something very interesting and unique about a character who has superpowers and yet refuses to use them most of the time. Most superheroes suddenly KNOW how to fight and are good at it, but Jessica never was, really. I like how her series deals with her kind of trying to find her place in the world if she has no aptitude for fighting crime. I also like that she will still kick ass if necessary. Also, I kind of just realized how stupid most of Marvel's villains look. Kang's a tiny bit less weird looking then Galactus, but not by much.

Luke uses some...interesting terms for the FF. Also, this is part of the best storyline in comics history, where Doc Doom skips town without paying Luke for a job, and Luke breaks into the Baxter Building, fights the FF, and takes one of their jets that he magically knows how to fly and goes to Latveria to get his 200 bucks. Power Man may not be the best comic ever made, but if I was stuck on a desert island and had to pick one comic, that would be the one.

Allegedly Mandarin is a pretty strong foe, and a formidable enemy for (I believe) Iron Man, but that doesn't stop him from looking ridiculous. He's like Mr. Miyagi dressed in an ornamental kimono floating in the air for no apparent reason.

Guy/Ice OTP

I can only hope to write a headline as stupendous as "Cat-People Attack City" in my

future journalistic career.

I love Guy and Ice. Next to Barda/Mr. Miracle, they are the OTP I support the most. Despite their differences, they make a great pair, mainly because Ice brings out the best in Guy. BUT THEY CANNOT GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. Every time I read something with them, they're fighting for some reason. Ice was dead, and then she comes back, and then they have a sweet reunion, and then Ice says she needs time, and he gives her time, and then she comes to Oa to visit him, and then they fight AGAIN. I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY AND TOGETHER. They're my second most favourite canon pairing and I love them.

THANK YOU DICK. THAT WAS SO HELPFUL.

Who would win in a fight? part II

My bro and I were going to do this thing where we pick five members (each from DC and Marvel) for a dream team and then we pit them against each other. We would each defend our picks and then a third party would be the judge. He failed though, so here are mine. Also, we were required to defend them even if we thought they would lose, so for some pairings I'll say who I actually thought would win.

Hercules vs. Taskmaster (circa Gail Simone redesign, I assume)
Powers
Herc: Extremely strong. That’s basically it.
Tasky: Proficient with a ton of fighting styles, owing to his ability to learn any style just by watching.

Look, Herc is Herc. He’s a Greek demigod. Maybe Tasky has a bunch of different abilities, but Herc has the strength to withstand all of them. You may be thinking, “Won’t Tasky just mimic Herc and he won’t be able to get a shot in?” Well, you may also recall from his own series that Herc doesn’t fight fair (purple nurples and crotch shots, anyone?). He doesn’t HAVE a cohesive and distinct fighting style, so Tasky won’t be able to copy it to any great effect.

Nightcrawler vs. Depowered Jubilee
Powers
Nightcrawler: Can walk on walls, has a prehensile tail, and can teleport.
Depowered Jubilee: Tech skills, I guess? I don’t really know.

Powered Jubilee couldn’t even beat nonpowered Robin in DC vs. Marvel. She’s not the best competitor WITH her powers, and without them she has no chance.

Luke Cage vs. Gambit
Powers
Luke Cage: Skin like steel, very strong.
Gambit: Not totally clear. It involves kinetic energy and throwing cards.

Gambit’s the guy that all the ladies love but that doesn’t help him when he’s against MOTHERFUCKING LUKE CAGE. Luke smashes stuff. It is what he does. Gambit’s cards aren’t going to do anything to his impenetrable skin. And Luke has determination almost to the point of insanity. In Luke’s series, Doctor Doom hired him and then left without paying. So what does Luke do? He punches his way into the Baxter Building, bullies the FF into lending him their jet which he somehow knows how to fly, fights some robots, somehow gets into Doom’s castle, finds Doom’s one weakness (repeated stress to a solitary point in his armour) and gets the 200 bucks. Do you think Gambit can beat Doom? I DON’T THINK SO.

She-Hulk vs. Deadpool
Powers
She-Hulk: Super strong, can heal rapidly.
Deadpool: Can also heal rapidly, proficient with fire arms and different fighting styles.

When both competitors can heal quickly, the winner will be the one who can incapacitate the other the quickest. Deadpool’s good with weapons, but he’s not particularly strong (at least not in the context of the Marvel universe), while Shulkie has exponential strength as She-Hulk. When she had to fight Champion to stop him from terrorizing a planet, she worked out as Jen to become stronger, and then became intensely strong as She-Hulk. I can’t quite recall, but I’m 90% sure Reed had to make her a special suit so she didn’t keep accidentally like, breaking tables and shit. I have confidence that she can easily overpower Deadpool.

I don't know, I think Deadpool would win this one. I love Shulkie, but Deadpool has taken on enemies way more difficult than her.

Squirrel Girl vs. Juggernaut
Powers
Squirrel Girl: Can talk to squirrels. I think she’s really strong too.
Juggernaut: He is a juggernaut.

He may be the Juggernaut bitch, but Squirrel Girl is more powerful. Exhibit A: She defeated Doom and it was never retconned to a Doombot. Exhibit B: She defeated Thanos. Bam, annihilated.

Guy Gardner vs. Captain Marvel
Powers
Captain Marvel: Can harness the power of a bunch of different gods.
Guy Gardner: His ring can make anything he thinks of materialize.

Captain Marvel is as powerful as six gods, yes, but there are a few things to consider here: 1. Mentally, he’s a kid. He has power, but he doesn’t really know how to use it. Guy Gardner has more experience. 2. Captain Marvel is limited to the powers of these gods. Guy is only limited by his imagination. 3. Guy HATES losing. He will keep fighting until he’s dead, and Captain Marvel wouldn’t kill anyone. Ergo, Guy will win. Here’s a good example of Guy’s extreme determination: when he lost the GL ring he hired Lobo (and lied about his payment) to help him get Sinestro’s yellow ring, he planet hopped a bit (and keep in mind HE CAN SOMEHOW BREATHE IN SPACE) to get the ring, ended up accidentally unleashing a bunch of Qwardians on Oa and while everyone was preoccupied with fighting he made his way to the GL crypts where he fought Sinestro’s ghost (or something, it’s not clear) to get the yellow ring, got out of his promise to Lobo on a technicality, then went home. So to be clear, WITHOUT A RING, he went to a couple different planets until ending up on Oa where he fought Sinestro WHILE RINGLESS and then got the yellow ring (which, incidentally, is charged by fighting Green Lanterns).

Barda vs. Black Canary
Powers
Barda: Was a Fury, so she’s good at fighting. Fairly impervious to pain (didn’t notice getting shot in Birds of Prey).
Black Canary: One of the best martial artists in the DCU, has a canary cry that can incapacitate enemies.

Come on. It’s Barda. Canary may be a really good martial artist, but Barda was a Fury. Those chicks are INTENSE. In BoP, Canary went to Thailand (I think) to learn how to fight from Shiva and some old woman. She barely survived that, if I recall. Barda lived on Apokalips for years, which is a way more intense place than Thailand. In the movie adaptation of the Superman/Batman arc where they go to Apokalips, she singlehandedly defeated a fire breathing tank. In BoP, she jumps onto a passing aircraft and punches her way in. Canary’s good, but she’s not THAT good.

Cassandra Cain vs. Jason Blood
Powers
Cass: Can read body language like an actual language, one of the best fighters in the DCU.
Jason Blood: He’s magical, or something.

Jason Blood is nebbish dude who never leaves his library of magical artifacts. He’s no match for Cass, who once defeated Shiva.

Jaime Reyes vs. Kyle Rayner
Powers
Jaime: His scarab armour can do pretty much anything: fly, shoot stuff, make shields, etc.
Kyle: His ring can make anything that he thinks of materialize.

I would never have remembered this if Jonas didn’t mention it, but the scarabs HATE Green Lanterns. The scarab is normally fairly psycho, but against a Green Lantern it would be unstoppable. Let us not forget that in Blue Beetle Jaime was doing pretty well in his fight with Guy Gardner until Guy realized Jaime was a kid (and then he just left Jaime stranded on another planet with no clothes on...) Not only is Jaime strong with the armour, but he’s smart and good at strategizing. In his climactic fight with the Reach, he had backup plan after backup plan and he wasn’t defeated even when they took the scarab.

I think Kyle would win this one. He's more experienced and has better fighting skills.

Booster Gold vs. Conner Kent
Powers
Booster Gold: Can travel through time, can fly, has a robot sidekick.
Conner Kent: Has all the powers of Superman.

At first glance, this matchup may seem ludicrous: Booster Gold has been the butt of jokes for years and Conner has DNA from both Supes and Lex Luthor. BUT, Booster can just go back in time and stop Conner from ever being born/made. FIGHT. OVER.

Let's be honest: Booster has no chance of winning against Superboy.

LOBO FOREVER

I have an unabashed love for those characters who just love punching things: Guy Gardner, Barda, Boodikka, Luke Cage, etc. I had really no opinion on Hawkman before, but Trinity made

me love him. I am very amused by these two panels with exposition in the foreground and Hawkman beating shit up in the backgr

ound. Poor Primat. I'm pretty sure she gets taken out by him on two different occasions.

I'm fond of Iron Fist (mostly because he's associated with Luke Cage in my mind, and I LOVE Luke Cage), but he has one of the worst costumes of all time. And the dumbest power. Why can't both fists be like unto a thing of iron? (or whatever the narration boxes say every time he wields his fist.) Plas's costume is probably the worst, although Mr. Miracle's comes pretty close.

Here, Aquaman and Namor are fighting each other for the survival of their respective universes. Namor spends the whole fight being noble and stoic, while Aquaman takes the "make as many stupid jokes as possible" route. I don't know why more people don't like Aquaman, because he is both hilarious and a badass. ANYWAY, the funny part about these panels is that I read Aquaman's "I've done plenty of sighin' on Atlantis too" crack, and I was like "Aquaman, you're such an idiot" and then read on to see Namor calls him an idiot as well. It may interest you to know that Aquaman wins the fight by dropping a whale on Namor's head. I'm not so sure he would win the fight because in Incredible Hercules Namor throws like, an island at Herc's head. But this matchup isn't as maddening as the Lobo/Wolverine fight WHICH I WILL NOT GET INTO RIGHT NOW Lobo would totally win that fight, don't try to tell me any different.

MY LOVE FOR GUY KNOWS NO BOUNDS

This was starting out so philosophical and deep and then ended up...not.

I'm rereading Booster Gold at the moment. I read it about a year ago and have vague memories of most of the issues, except this one! Which is insane because a) Booster has a drinking contest with Jonah Hex and b) Nova's grand plan to kill the doctor who delivered Jonathan Kent's grandfather (or something) is to HAVE BUFFALO MATERIALIZE IN THE AIR AND DROP ON HIS HEAD. Brilliant.

One of these days I have to post my reasons for being deeply in love with Guy Gardner, but I will reveal one of said reasons right now: his fashion sense. His idea of badass is assless chaps and crop tops and his idea of incognito is a bright yellow pimp suit. YES.