Scariest Baby of Life

So...is it my imagination, or was there a premature ejaculation joke in a comic

book aimed at preteens?

In the words of my brother: "Of COURSE Plas makes a costume joke!"

But seriously...Galactus=WORST OUTFIT EVER, y/y? I'm including Canary's John Byrne redesign in this contest. You know it's bad when PLASTIC MAN, who probably has one of the worst costumes of life, can make fun of you and no one bats an eye.

...let's just say there's a reason that Joe Quesada is not a full time artist.

Spider-Girl

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Let's look at some Spider-Girl today.

You have to be really goddamn serious about your villainy to get a giant spider tattooed on your stomach and the word "REVENGE" tattooed across your chest. It's kind of funny now that Normie is friends with May. I bet every time he takes off his shirt, he's like, "Shit. Why the eff did I decide to do that? FUCK YOU, DAD."

I love Mayday to death, but this panel pisses me off. BOO HOO MAYDAY, TWO GUYS ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOUR LIFE SUCKS SO BAD.

"My uncle Ben died because I didn't act when I had the chance...also, am I hallucinating, or is there a giant ass goose over there?" What is this, Mark Trail?

It Sucks Being Sue Storm

Sorry about the lag. Nanowrimo/school work has been kicking my ass. But I am back, albeit sporadically.

So J

aime gets into a fight with Guy Gardner. Guy and the Green Lanterns are heavy hitters and at this point, Jaime's not very experienced. As you can see from the "KRAKKA KRAKKA BOOM" he's giving Guy everything the scarab's got. Here's Guy's rejoinder:

Guy is ON FIRE and hitting Jaime with a pathetic "plink plinkida" and he is STILL awesome. I love that man.

I love this for several reasons. One, Ben is crying like a little girl. Two, I like Thor and Iron Man's little smiles. I bet they secretly LOVE weddings. Third, JOHNNY AND REED DON'T SEE THE NEED TO CHANGE OUT OF THEIR FF COSTUMES! Sue is all dolled up like the mid nineties bride she is, but Reed is all "fuck it, I don't feel like changing." I bet he was almost late because he was fighting Dr. Doom or something and didn't want to put on his tux. He's legit the worst husband ever.

Starfox: Sketchiest "good guy" in the Marvel universe

Hahahahaha, oh, how I love journalistic jokes! Here's an example of how screwed up journalists are. This woman is from Y the Last Man. She finds Yorick and makes him strip naked and hold a copy of her paper so she can write an article about the last man on earth and has the picture for proof. 355 and Yorick go after her to get the photos. She threatens them with a gun and I'm 90% sure she gets thrown out a window AND SHE STILL DOESN'T GIVE UP. She's supposed to be seen as insane and selfish, but I was kind of rooting for her. She has the kind of journalistic balls I wish I had.

This is the look of a guy who knows he's about to get his ass beat by the strongest woman in the Marvel universe and there is nothing he can do about it.

I always squee when Darkdevil shows up, but I can't really explain why. He's just such a blatant and unrepentant dick that he veers into self-parody. I think he's hilarious. There is NOTHING nice about him and he's so smug and over the top.

Daredevil is also really boring

Is it weird that I'm proud that in Y- The Last Man, the new leader of the Yakuza is a pop star from Saskatoon?

In all seriousness, Y-The Last Man is ridiculously good. It's about a plague that killed off all the males in the world except for one, and he teams up with a doctor and a secret agent to find a way to make clones to repopulate the planet. I powered through 60 issues in three days. I highly recommend it to everyone.

The only thing is, Brian K Vaughan ends every issue with either a huge revelation or a cliffhanger so you have to keep reading. At one point he started doing little 3 issue arcs, so I thought at least I could escape at the conclusion of a story arc. Turns out that no, I couldn't. Don't start reading the series unless you have about an hour to kill. Here's a text convo I had with my brother about it:

Me: The only bad thing is that Vaughan ends every issue on a cliffhanger. I want to eat but I...I can't.

Jonas: And you never will.

In Greek mythology, one of Hercules' tasks was to get the girdle of Hippolyta. I believe he seduced her to obtain it. This is why Wondy is calling Herc the despoiler of Hippolyta (who is also her mother.)

I like that they had this little interaction here, because it absolutely makes sense that Wonder Woman goes balls to the wall to take out Hercules. The Marvel Hercules is more portrayed as kind of a lovable buffoon and in flashbacks to his time with Hippolyta, he is portrayed as thinking of her fondly and not simply using her to get the girdle. The DC Hercules is a dickish rapist asshole that Wonder Woman hates. Poor Herc, getting punched in the face for something that the DC Hercules did.

"Thank God I threw the baby off the roof so that Natasha would be forced to take custody of it for its own safety!"

Since we're on the subject of Kevin Smith, I want to talk about his writing style. I've read three story arcs by him: Quiver (Green Arrow), Guardian Devil (Daredevil), and Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do. His stories have a tendency to start our pretty normal and then go OFF THE DAMN RAILS.

Quiver starts out as a mystery of sorts. Ollie comes back from the dead with the personality he had a decade ago and no one knows why. Then BAM there's all this stuff about fake gay Satanist rapists, demon pets, Hal having god-like powers, and a Heaven where all the heroes wear their costumes all the time. Guardian Devil was insane pretty much immediately, with a baby who might be either the Antichrist or Jesus but then gets MORE crazy when it's revealed that Mysterio orchestrated the whole lie about the Messiah/Antichrist solely to get Daredevil to go insane. The Evil That Men Do isn't so much insane as really uncomfortable. Spider-Man and Black Cat team up to find some heroin dealer and then it turns out that the dealer has the worst power of all time (he can teleport small amounts of liquid) and then there are back to back detailed rape narratives. I've also read a smaller story arc also featuring Green Arrow which wasn't insane but did feature a LOT of oral sex puns. At the very least, every story arc will have a "HOLY CRAP WHAT JUST HAPPENED" moment. Which I always enjoy.

Holy Frageroley

Carnage is a seriously scary supervillain. It's not because he's particularly powerful (Dr. Doom, Apocalypse, and Magneto are all more powerful) but because he is purely psychotic. Ever

y villain has SOME form of honour and play by their own twisted set of rules. CARNAGE HAS NO RULES and this makes him terrifying.

He's even visually intimidating. He's similar to Venom, only Venom could pass as somewhat human if he never opened his mouth. Carnage is humanoid but if someone told you that there was a human in there somewhere (which there actually is, and he is also crazy) you wouldn't believe it.

As a side note, Carnage was created (and presumably designed) by Mark Bagley, only furthering my previous statement that while he can't draw people for crap, he is amazing at drawing people in costumes or non-humans.

I realize that Hulk's "thing" or whatever is his indestructible pants, but if you really think about it, this makes no sense. Those jeans were once whole. When Bruce Banner Hulked out, the pants couldn't take the strain. But they ripped at the thinnest part of the leg. Would they not riparound his waist at the very least? That waistband must be reinforced with titanium.

I read a Marvel/DC crossover where characters from each universe had to fight each other to save their respective universe. Among the combatants were Silver Surfer vs. Kyle Rayner (Surfer won) Robin vs. Jubilee (Robin won) and Aquaman vs. Namor (Aquaman won.) For the most part I agreed with the winners, except for the fight I was most excited about: Wolverine vs. Lobo.

We can all agree that Wolverine is pretty badass. Healing factor, adamantium claws, and bloodlust. Lobo is less well known, so here's a bit about him. He's an alien bounty hunter who destroyed everyone on his planet for fun. He also has a healing factor and can come back to life if even just a drop of his blood exists. He once killed a god AND a devil on an alien planet. He can breathe in outer space. Once he has a goal in mind, he won't stop until it's accomplished.

I thought the fight would be epic.

Here's how the actual fight went down. Wolverine went into Lobo's favourite bar to find him. They start the fight and Wolverine defeats him in three panels OFF PANEL and it seems like Lobo doesn't even fight back.

Wtf?

I guess I would be okay with it if Lobo lost, if the fight was awesome and if he wasn't defeated off panel! Wolverine's hardcore, but LOBO IS INSANE. Maybe Wolverine got the drop on him somehow, but if so, why didn't Lobo's healing factor kick into gear? Lobo single-handedly committed genocide and killed a god. Wolverine can't even defeat SABRETOOTH half the time. NOT TO MENTION that he got punched about a hundred feet by a ten year old girl in Runaways. (Granted, she has super strength, but she's no LOBO.)

Beware My EMBRACE OF TERROR

I don't watch anime often (only Zatch Bell or Full Metal Alchemist when the mood strikes) but my FAVOURITE part is how the protagonists are always so moody and melodramatic. Which is why I'm in love with Jimmy Yama's anime face here. Anime always does that thing where they have half of someone's face in the side of the panel, looking all broody.

Nicola Scott is the PERFECT person to draw Secret Six because she draws the prettiest Catman I have ever seen in my life.

At one point Secret Six was drawn by someone else (can't remember, and too lazy to get my trades) and it just wasn't the same because Catman wasn't beautiful. Not even the women get to be as pretty. I was going to say that Nicola Scott is incapable of drawing ugliness (since she can make even Ragdoll look cute) and then I remembered her drawing of Junior which I'm not putting here because I don't want to scar you.

I'm kind of liking Kingpin. I was always kind of ambivalent about him firstly because I hadn't read much with him and partly because he was in the horrible Daredevil movie. Anyway, he was pretty awesome in this Spider-Man/Batman crossover I read. But what in the world would you call this attack? The Hug of Horror? Cuddles of Cruelty? What are you going to tell your buddies after surviving this attack? Sure, you're pretty badass for escaping the Kingpin, but you also have to be like, "Yeah, I got these broken ribs because he hugged me really hard."