R'as Al Ghul

Old R'as looks like such a douchebag here. Is he giving Canary the thumbs up underwater? He's trying to pull off Nick Fury's distinguished "greying at the temples" look, but dude, no one does it better than Nick Fury. This is what that magnificent specimen of manhood looks like:


































You're no Nick Fury, R'as.


















Ew. Nice legs, R'as. Put away the short shorts and put on some pants like a man.

Also, this whole Birds of Prey plotline is so weird because Talia is slithering around the yacht, half dressed, and is bonding with her father's new paramour. It's all very Oedipal. Or whatever the female equivalent of the Oedipal complex is. I'm sure there's a name that I'm not recalling right now.

SO CAMPY!

I really wish I could make this bigger so you could see the awesome melodramatic-ness of it all.
Panel 1: "You're handsome! You're normal! You're...human!
Panel 2: "While I...am only...A MONSTER!" "BYYYYYYRRRRRNNNNNNEEEESSSSSS!"
Panel 3: "That blast! The fire tanks on Byrnes' costume must've exploded!"
Panel 4: "H-he's gone...consumed by his own power...his own hatred!"

As I've stated before, I've just recently started reading the eighties run of Blue Beetle. And I'm honestly not sure what they're going for, exactly. With other comics, I know exactly what the overall tone is supposed to be. With Deadpool, for example, it's supposed to have a facade of goofiness with a dark undercurrent. Birds of Prey is supposed to be more or less an action series with comedic aspects. The newest run of Blue Beetle (with Jaime Reyes) is supposed to be a more youth-oriented action comic with points of comedy. But I don't know about this Blue Beetle. Is it making fun of over the top comics found in the Silver Age? Or is it genuinely THIS AWESOMELY CAMPY? Most of the time it's fairly normal superhero fare, and then you get parts like this, with dialogue that has never been spoken by any human, ever ("You're handsome! You're normal! You're...human! While I am only a MONSTER!"), the Blue Beetle narrating the action when he should be hauling ass out of the burning building, and then the Blue Beetle making anvilicious judgements about FIREFIST, THE INCENDIARY MAN! I mean, it's awesome, but I wish I could understand whether or not it was serious. It's much like how I feel about All-Star Batman. I hate when I can't decide whether things are parodies or not.

















Here I present, from left to right:
A reject for the part of Kingpin in the Daredevil movie, a reject for the part of a Bond babe, and Ra's Al Ghul, styled by Dracula and the bride of Frankenstein.















Meanwhile, Jamie Reyes is being spied on by Trinity and a younger, thinner Morpheus, who are going to reveal to him that THERE IS NO SPOON.

"Teddy has now approached ramming speed."

I've never read anything with the Green Lantern, but after he was portrayed as such a dumbass in All-Star Batman, I really can't. I hate that Frank Miller is affecting me so much, but I will never be able to forget this image: Green Lantern, chilling, eating a hot dog as he's supposed to be vigilant, and soon to be completely pwned by Batman and a 12 year old in green diaper shorts.















This guy has tragically been hit with a case of amnesia, and now thinks that he is a chef in a high end restaurant.


















The art for most of Kelly's run was fantastic. I mean, look at this. Could anyone else but Ed McGuinness (except maybe Pete Woods) be able to so effectively combine childhood whimsy with sinister malevolence? I highly recommend this issue (Deadpool #9) for its amazing goofiness, second only to the issue where Deadpool defeats Tasky by dancing.

Awesome and Campy, My Two Favourite Things

I recently started reading the 80's run of Blue Beetle, and I'm quite enjoying it. Ted Kord is a wisecracker in the vein of Spiderman, only not as wangsty. And also, it's so much more campy than I expected. Case in point: I can't remember what the previous panel was, but this detective pistol whips someone who I think is part of an organization called the "Malevolent Madmen" (they will most definitely be covered later) and goes "guess again, PUNK! I'm the LAW! And you, AND YOUR TEETH, are BUSTED!" I have never heard of anyone ever saying anything like that ever, in the history of the universe, and yet I totally wish they would. Why can't life be more like a comic book? It would be awesome: you'd get badass detectives in trench coats pistol whipping perps left and right and saying stuff like, "I'm the LAW, punk" and you'd have spandex clad villains saying things like, "I am FIREFIST, the INCENDIARY MAN!" and then more spandex clad heroes riding in on a beetle shaped ship (more on that another time) and beating them up. I'm pretty sure I would never ever go inside if the world was like this.

















Look at that display of badassery! You don't even need context, JUST LOOK AT IT. Deathstroke has a strip of bullets slung over his shoulder, and somehow he is holding a gun, and HE HAS A GORILLA ON HIS SHOULDERS. I can't take the awesome.

Also, and I just noticed this, is he holding the gorilla by his balls? That just seems like a dick move.















Speaking of awesome, HOLY CRAP IT'S NICK FURY AS A WILD WEST SHERIFF!

Look at that coat. The Colonel Sanders tie. His white gun holster. His jaunty white hat. And the eyepatch! And he's saying "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." I LOVE HIM.

Improbable

AHHHHHHHHH! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Look at that abomination. She looks like a cross between a Na'vi and unholy demon spawn. If Lindsay Lohan mated with a giant squid and a praying mantis simultaneously, this is what their bastard child would look like.















This strikes me as a bit of an underreaction to the man who bound you and threw you into a river. Couldn't he at least manage a "@!#*$"?


















What in the world is this guy holding? A scimitar? Yeah, that's a great assassination plan.
"So I was thinking that I would just jump out at a random group of hookers in the middle of the city and attack them."
"Okay, sounds decent. How are you going to kill them? Gun? Knife? If you strangle them it will be quieter."
"Nah, I was just in Saudi Arabia and picked up this scimitar, and I've been dying to try it out. The weapon is largely unused in North America, but that won't be a problem, right? I mean, they'll never be able to trace it to me, right?"

I enjoy these panels

Pete Woods is my favourite comic artist, and here is a perfect example why. Check out the Great Lakes AvengersLightning Rods here. So colourful! So cartoony! I'm a fan of comics art that leans toward the cartoony as opposed to the more realistic (like most of Jim Lee's work, even though it is undeniably stunning). And Woods' work on the Deadpool special where Deadpool and Al go back in time is great and really fits with the more silly and cartoony feel of the issue. If it was, say, Jim Lee or Frank Miller drawing it, the art wouldn't have the same impact that it does.















I love this mad scientist guy a lot. He created Joe Clone to be superhuman and look how happy he looks at Joe's success! On the left, he and Canary are taking cover from shots. Canary is completely ignoring this guy, but he is just ecstatic over the success of Joe Clone in being an amazing warrior. I'm pretty sure it says there that he has a war crimes record, but you can't hate that guy. He just looks way too gleeful. And over on the right there, he is completely unconcerned with warships and stuff coming after them. He just gives himself completely over to a paternal pride in his creation. It's kind of sweetly charming.



















Oracle has a surprising amount of suitors, and while I'm behind Nightwing, I kind of like Ted Kord as well. He's a nice guy and down to earth. It's like he has the best parts of Batman (his badassery without powers) and Spiderman (the wisecracking) but minus all the tiresome angst. I'm actually pretty surprised the Blue Beetle was never more popular, especially with amazing over the top villains like FIREFIST, THE INCENDIARY MAN! Anyway, look how cute these two are together, with their geekery. I love that he is laughing so hard at her obscure joke.

Sexually Suggestive

You guys, SHE'S NOT WEARING ANY PANTS. And she's totally propositioning Ted Kord. This shit's supposed to be for kids, yo.

















This panel is pretty quick after the above panels, and I totally thought he was calling her "Bed Ryder" instead of "Red Ryder". I'm pretty sure I did a literal double take.

















Okay, this was originally going to go into another weird boob post on the part of Black Widow, but I thought Deadpool's innuendo was more post worthy. In the preceding panel, Black Widow talks about cutting off Deadpool's head, and then I'm not sure if you can see it here but Deadpool goes "Sorry, I missed that last part. Something about head?"

Wow. I know Deadpool's not exactly for kids, but seeing such a blunt sexually suggestive remark in a comic book was really surprising. Funny, but surprising.

I talked about Daniel Way (the writer for this issue) here but what I didn't mention is his tendency to push the envelope. There's a lot more gore and suggestive remarks in his issues than in pretty much anyone else's, except for maybe Frank Tieri (he was the one who had Kane kill a scared child, and also who had Sabretooth keep a little girl in the closet for some munchies later) or Jimmy Palmiotti (he was the one who had the dog thrown through the windshield).

Villains

Nice muttonchops, Isaac.



















As far as I know, Kingpin is not a mutant or anything. According to Wikipedia, he just made himself super strong. But did he will himself to grow or something? He's like fifteen feet tall. If I knew how to make myself grow I totally would so I could see at concerts.















I kind of always wondered if Kraven had other powers besides just the ability to hunt. Now I know: he can shoot lasers out of nipples.

Homoeroticism in Birds of Prey

I think one troper said it best when he/she said, "Interesting hand placement, Dinah!" Also, look at their faces! Yes, I guess they're both ecstatic that Oracle is still alive, but the look on their faces is very, um, post-coital.















Here, Lady Vic (I think) was attacking Black Canary and then the BOP people decided to shove the whole thing up a notch when Black Canary tackled her to the ground. Black Canary looks like she's enjoying it. When you consider the fact that she's rebuffed the advances of Bane, Joe Clone, and that douchebag from the beginning, it really makes you wonder. Which is probably what the Birds of Prey people want.















Okay, this isn't homoeroticism. BUT ISN'T THAT THE GAYEST COWBOY YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE? I was all set to write a post about his rippling muscles, his super tight tank top with a stallion on it, his name (Stallion) and the pretty little sashes around his waist and head. Then I noticed that he was saying "We're goin' in the back door", and the jokes just wrote themselves.

PLEASE HELP

I'm not very up on my DC characters, but I would think that I could identify members of the Bat family. Turns out, not so much. We've got Robin (YAY. We share a name, so I feel much affection for him) and Commissioner Gordon and then...WHO IS THAT GUY? I Googled my fingers off trying to figure that out but came up with nothing. I think he had like two lines in as many issues. No one even really seems to acknowledge his existence. Maybe Gordon is hallucinating as he is lying on his deathbed and this mysterious Bat-dude is ALL IN HIS MIND.

Edit: He has one line, and his word balloon looks weird. So I don't think he's human.

Chins, Combovers, and Death

Alfred, no matter how many times you comb your six remaining hairs over your head, it will not look like a full head of hair.















That is a very awe inspiring chin. If Jay Leno and Bruce Campbell had a love child, it would look like this guy.














I read this and for a second couldn't believe that just happened. Yes, it's a flashback thingie that didn't actually happen, but I was momentarily discombobulated that they showed a young Bullseye killing his elderly teacher (with a very manic look on his face) while a young Deadpool looked on. It wasn't quite as shocking as that time that Kane killed a mutant child, but it was close. Deadpool: crossing the line since 1991.

Bad Haircuts

This dude is from Birds of Prey. What is going on with his hair? He's balding except for a little thatch on top of his head. I have never seen that before, ever, on any human's head. It's like he decided to get a toupee but didn't want to commit to the whole thing so he just got a little bit of hair.


















Here I present Doc Ock, wearing a haircut that hasn't been in style since Astrid Kirchherr first put a bowl on the Beatles' heads.

















Turn your attention to Flash (he's the one in the letterman jacket). I can't visualize his hair on an actual person. I can't even describe it. It's like a two tone bowl cut or something. He looks like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber. What is UP with Mark Bagley and his love of bowl cuts?
















You'd think with all Joe Clone's superstrength and such, he could intimidate someone into getting him a better haircut, but no. He was genetically engineered to take over the world, but I would have a lot of trouble taking someone with that hair seriously.

When Black Canary first meets him, she says something like, "I see you're still cutting your own hair" and I laughed out loud because I thought she was going to make fun of his haircut. But she goes on to add that it looks good on him. I guess I shouldn't expect someone who regularly pulls a Lady Gaga and eschews pants to have good fashion sense.















Ultimate Spiderman was first published in 2000, so riddle me this: why is Peter Parker sporting Edward Furlong's hair from 1991?

Friggin' Sweet

Historically, girls get the short end of the stick in comics. There's the costumes, which I covered before. Then there's the whole "women in refrigerators" thing. Then there's the fact that they never do anything cool, ever. But every so often, you find some really cool women in comics.


















Look at this woman from Birds of Prey whose name I can't remember right now. This is one of the most awesome panels I've seen in my life. She's wearing this Stormtrooper-esque armour with a BIG ASS GUN. After their train was detoured to some place that might be Hell, she is one of the only people to stay calm and do what needs to be done. She's all, "take cover, gentlemen. This is THE big gun." Love her.















I like the fact that after becoming a cripple, the artists resisted making Barbara into an ugly shell of her former self. It must be hard writing a crippled character who is hardly seen outside that one room, but the former Batgirl has an actual personality and does actual stuff (like swimming, working out, and going on dates with a surprisingly buff Dick Grayson). You can't deny it: Oracle's pretty badass. She took out a bunch of dudes single-handedly while in a wheelchair, and she's probably the best hacker in the DCU. And look how pretty she is here! Love it.

















HOLY GOD THERE IS A FEMALE DEADPOOL AND SHE IS WAY MORE AWESOME THAN I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED LIEFELD CAPABLE OF DRAWING! Look how amazing she is! She's so funny. Her boobs look a little wonked up, but I will ignore that because she is hilarious. I need more of her, STAT.
















I really loved Dom's design in Cable and Deadpool. Putting aside the fact that spot on her eye makes her resemble Petey from Our Gang, I loved her haircut and her badass black outfit. She also got a lot more character development than the other side characters of Cable/Deadpool when she had various moral dilemmas. She's pretty awesome.














Blind Al is possibly my favourite female character EVER. She has crazy ass hair and awesome wardrobe, and is one of the only people who can match wits with Deadpool. She's a cantankerous old lady who is forced to live with Deadpool and actually got him to APOLOGIZE to her. That's pretty difficult when the person you're dealing with has no conscience.

I also deeply, deeply appreciate the fact that they make t-shirts specifically for blind people.

?

I swear to you, this does not make any more sense in context. We've got Superman running for his life on the water away from what appears to be the Titanic, and he's looking pretty disgruntled about it.















Nope, still can't get anything coherent out of these panels. Now he's running back towards the ship carrying a car. I cannot think of any situation that would require Superman to run to shore from the middle of the ocean and bring back a car. WHY IS HE CARRYING THAT CAR? I don't understand! There's no reason for him to be carrying a car across the water to the boat.

This, right here, is the reason why I still occasionally reread All-Star Batman. Because the level of WTF is just so exquisite.















I'm like 90% sure that Batman and Black Canary are sexing it up with their clothes still on. Batman clearly still has the top part of his outfit on and Canary has her jacket on. They are both wearing one-piece outfits, so if the top part is still on, the bottom is as well. Plus the next panel shows Black Canary sitting up, post-coitus, and adjusting her jacket. Such is the power of Batman's sex appeal that he can ravish someone through two layers of latex.

HA HA HA HA HA HA

I guess Betty's huge bazoongas actually have a purpose: for padding when she gets tired trudging through the swamps of the Savage Land!

Good thing Betty's facedown here, because I think she would have the same problem as my friend Lisa: namely, when she sleeps without a bra her boobs try to smother her.














This guy looks exactly how I would imagine that one dude with sunglasses from a Goofy Movie would look like if he was human. Just imagine that bottle of whiskey is a can of spray cheese.













Likewise, every time I see this I imagine Batman sounding like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BU8-e-C4Uy0

Ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!

Tarzan, Cap, the future, and a dude with a large head

There's cheesecake, and then there's cheesecake...
















And then there's Johnny Weismuller here. Wow. Those are some...defined abs.















Look, I wanted to stay away from cheap shots on Rob Liefeld. According to fans who have met him at Comic Con, he's a really nice guy and he's so in love with comics, and it would feel like kicking a puppy to me.

BUT HE MAKES IT SO EASY. Look at that: all these pictures of Cap were taken from a section of an issue of Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth that he drew. I think there were about three pictures of him in which his teeth were NOT firmly clenched together. He better be careful: if he doesn't stop grinding his teeth he could end up with gum recession and no one wants that.















Meanwhile, over in Agent X, we get to see what Emma Frost will look like in about twenty years.















All these pictures come from comics I have saved on my computer, but I can't even begin to guess who this guy is or which comic he's from. I'm thinking it looks kind of like Deadpool art, but I have no memory of Deadpool fighting a dude with a huge head who appears to be wearing a green toga. I have this saved as "brainchildmaybe" because I thought he looked kind of like Brainchild, but then I looked at an actual picture of Brainchild and the only thing they have in common is the huge head. Anyway, I enjoy this a lot because anytime there is an extremely angry looking man with a huge head shooting lasers that go "BRAZZAP", I am on board. I think the fact that it is out of context and surrounded in mystery just adds to my level of enjoyment.