Marvel Mania

I've been reading a ton of DC lately and devoting most of the blog to it, so I thought I would turn my attention to Marvel today.

Jessica's a BAMF. She needs to show up in more things. There's something very interesting and unique about a character who has superpowers and yet refuses to use them most of the time. Most superheroes suddenly KNOW how to fight and are good at it, but Jessica never was, really. I like how her series deals with her kind of trying to find her place in the world if she has no aptitude for fighting crime. I also like that she will still kick ass if necessary. Also, I kind of just realized how stupid most of Marvel's villains look. Kang's a tiny bit less weird looking then Galactus, but not by much.

Luke uses some...interesting terms for the FF. Also, this is part of the best storyline in comics history, where Doc Doom skips town without paying Luke for a job, and Luke breaks into the Baxter Building, fights the FF, and takes one of their jets that he magically knows how to fly and goes to Latveria to get his 200 bucks. Power Man may not be the best comic ever made, but if I was stuck on a desert island and had to pick one comic, that would be the one.

Allegedly Mandarin is a pretty strong foe, and a formidable enemy for (I believe) Iron Man, but that doesn't stop him from looking ridiculous. He's like Mr. Miyagi dressed in an ornamental kimono floating in the air for no apparent reason.

Guy/Ice OTP

I can only hope to write a headline as stupendous as "Cat-People Attack City" in my

future journalistic career.

I love Guy and Ice. Next to Barda/Mr. Miracle, they are the OTP I support the most. Despite their differences, they make a great pair, mainly because Ice brings out the best in Guy. BUT THEY CANNOT GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. Every time I read something with them, they're fighting for some reason. Ice was dead, and then she comes back, and then they have a sweet reunion, and then Ice says she needs time, and he gives her time, and then she comes to Oa to visit him, and then they fight AGAIN. I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY AND TOGETHER. They're my second most favourite canon pairing and I love them.

THANK YOU DICK. THAT WAS SO HELPFUL.

Who would win in a fight? part II

My bro and I were going to do this thing where we pick five members (each from DC and Marvel) for a dream team and then we pit them against each other. We would each defend our picks and then a third party would be the judge. He failed though, so here are mine. Also, we were required to defend them even if we thought they would lose, so for some pairings I'll say who I actually thought would win.

Hercules vs. Taskmaster (circa Gail Simone redesign, I assume)
Powers
Herc: Extremely strong. That’s basically it.
Tasky: Proficient with a ton of fighting styles, owing to his ability to learn any style just by watching.

Look, Herc is Herc. He’s a Greek demigod. Maybe Tasky has a bunch of different abilities, but Herc has the strength to withstand all of them. You may be thinking, “Won’t Tasky just mimic Herc and he won’t be able to get a shot in?” Well, you may also recall from his own series that Herc doesn’t fight fair (purple nurples and crotch shots, anyone?). He doesn’t HAVE a cohesive and distinct fighting style, so Tasky won’t be able to copy it to any great effect.

Nightcrawler vs. Depowered Jubilee
Powers
Nightcrawler: Can walk on walls, has a prehensile tail, and can teleport.
Depowered Jubilee: Tech skills, I guess? I don’t really know.

Powered Jubilee couldn’t even beat nonpowered Robin in DC vs. Marvel. She’s not the best competitor WITH her powers, and without them she has no chance.

Luke Cage vs. Gambit
Powers
Luke Cage: Skin like steel, very strong.
Gambit: Not totally clear. It involves kinetic energy and throwing cards.

Gambit’s the guy that all the ladies love but that doesn’t help him when he’s against MOTHERFUCKING LUKE CAGE. Luke smashes stuff. It is what he does. Gambit’s cards aren’t going to do anything to his impenetrable skin. And Luke has determination almost to the point of insanity. In Luke’s series, Doctor Doom hired him and then left without paying. So what does Luke do? He punches his way into the Baxter Building, bullies the FF into lending him their jet which he somehow knows how to fly, fights some robots, somehow gets into Doom’s castle, finds Doom’s one weakness (repeated stress to a solitary point in his armour) and gets the 200 bucks. Do you think Gambit can beat Doom? I DON’T THINK SO.

She-Hulk vs. Deadpool
Powers
She-Hulk: Super strong, can heal rapidly.
Deadpool: Can also heal rapidly, proficient with fire arms and different fighting styles.

When both competitors can heal quickly, the winner will be the one who can incapacitate the other the quickest. Deadpool’s good with weapons, but he’s not particularly strong (at least not in the context of the Marvel universe), while Shulkie has exponential strength as She-Hulk. When she had to fight Champion to stop him from terrorizing a planet, she worked out as Jen to become stronger, and then became intensely strong as She-Hulk. I can’t quite recall, but I’m 90% sure Reed had to make her a special suit so she didn’t keep accidentally like, breaking tables and shit. I have confidence that she can easily overpower Deadpool.

I don't know, I think Deadpool would win this one. I love Shulkie, but Deadpool has taken on enemies way more difficult than her.

Squirrel Girl vs. Juggernaut
Powers
Squirrel Girl: Can talk to squirrels. I think she’s really strong too.
Juggernaut: He is a juggernaut.

He may be the Juggernaut bitch, but Squirrel Girl is more powerful. Exhibit A: She defeated Doom and it was never retconned to a Doombot. Exhibit B: She defeated Thanos. Bam, annihilated.

Guy Gardner vs. Captain Marvel
Powers
Captain Marvel: Can harness the power of a bunch of different gods.
Guy Gardner: His ring can make anything he thinks of materialize.

Captain Marvel is as powerful as six gods, yes, but there are a few things to consider here: 1. Mentally, he’s a kid. He has power, but he doesn’t really know how to use it. Guy Gardner has more experience. 2. Captain Marvel is limited to the powers of these gods. Guy is only limited by his imagination. 3. Guy HATES losing. He will keep fighting until he’s dead, and Captain Marvel wouldn’t kill anyone. Ergo, Guy will win. Here’s a good example of Guy’s extreme determination: when he lost the GL ring he hired Lobo (and lied about his payment) to help him get Sinestro’s yellow ring, he planet hopped a bit (and keep in mind HE CAN SOMEHOW BREATHE IN SPACE) to get the ring, ended up accidentally unleashing a bunch of Qwardians on Oa and while everyone was preoccupied with fighting he made his way to the GL crypts where he fought Sinestro’s ghost (or something, it’s not clear) to get the yellow ring, got out of his promise to Lobo on a technicality, then went home. So to be clear, WITHOUT A RING, he went to a couple different planets until ending up on Oa where he fought Sinestro WHILE RINGLESS and then got the yellow ring (which, incidentally, is charged by fighting Green Lanterns).

Barda vs. Black Canary
Powers
Barda: Was a Fury, so she’s good at fighting. Fairly impervious to pain (didn’t notice getting shot in Birds of Prey).
Black Canary: One of the best martial artists in the DCU, has a canary cry that can incapacitate enemies.

Come on. It’s Barda. Canary may be a really good martial artist, but Barda was a Fury. Those chicks are INTENSE. In BoP, Canary went to Thailand (I think) to learn how to fight from Shiva and some old woman. She barely survived that, if I recall. Barda lived on Apokalips for years, which is a way more intense place than Thailand. In the movie adaptation of the Superman/Batman arc where they go to Apokalips, she singlehandedly defeated a fire breathing tank. In BoP, she jumps onto a passing aircraft and punches her way in. Canary’s good, but she’s not THAT good.

Cassandra Cain vs. Jason Blood
Powers
Cass: Can read body language like an actual language, one of the best fighters in the DCU.
Jason Blood: He’s magical, or something.

Jason Blood is nebbish dude who never leaves his library of magical artifacts. He’s no match for Cass, who once defeated Shiva.

Jaime Reyes vs. Kyle Rayner
Powers
Jaime: His scarab armour can do pretty much anything: fly, shoot stuff, make shields, etc.
Kyle: His ring can make anything that he thinks of materialize.

I would never have remembered this if Jonas didn’t mention it, but the scarabs HATE Green Lanterns. The scarab is normally fairly psycho, but against a Green Lantern it would be unstoppable. Let us not forget that in Blue Beetle Jaime was doing pretty well in his fight with Guy Gardner until Guy realized Jaime was a kid (and then he just left Jaime stranded on another planet with no clothes on...) Not only is Jaime strong with the armour, but he’s smart and good at strategizing. In his climactic fight with the Reach, he had backup plan after backup plan and he wasn’t defeated even when they took the scarab.

I think Kyle would win this one. He's more experienced and has better fighting skills.

Booster Gold vs. Conner Kent
Powers
Booster Gold: Can travel through time, can fly, has a robot sidekick.
Conner Kent: Has all the powers of Superman.

At first glance, this matchup may seem ludicrous: Booster Gold has been the butt of jokes for years and Conner has DNA from both Supes and Lex Luthor. BUT, Booster can just go back in time and stop Conner from ever being born/made. FIGHT. OVER.

Let's be honest: Booster has no chance of winning against Superboy.

LOBO FOREVER

I have an unabashed love for those characters who just love punching things: Guy Gardner, Barda, Boodikka, Luke Cage, etc. I had really no opinion on Hawkman before, but Trinity made

me love him. I am very amused by these two panels with exposition in the foreground and Hawkman beating shit up in the backgr

ound. Poor Primat. I'm pretty sure she gets taken out by him on two different occasions.

I'm fond of Iron Fist (mostly because he's associated with Luke Cage in my mind, and I LOVE Luke Cage), but he has one of the worst costumes of all time. And the dumbest power. Why can't both fists be like unto a thing of iron? (or whatever the narration boxes say every time he wields his fist.) Plas's costume is probably the worst, although Mr. Miracle's comes pretty close.

Here, Aquaman and Namor are fighting each other for the survival of their respective universes. Namor spends the whole fight being noble and stoic, while Aquaman takes the "make as many stupid jokes as possible" route. I don't know why more people don't like Aquaman, because he is both hilarious and a badass. ANYWAY, the funny part about these panels is that I read Aquaman's "I've done plenty of sighin' on Atlantis too" crack, and I was like "Aquaman, you're such an idiot" and then read on to see Namor calls him an idiot as well. It may interest you to know that Aquaman wins the fight by dropping a whale on Namor's head. I'm not so sure he would win the fight because in Incredible Hercules Namor throws like, an island at Herc's head. But this matchup isn't as maddening as the Lobo/Wolverine fight WHICH I WILL NOT GET INTO RIGHT NOW Lobo would totally win that fight, don't try to tell me any different.

MY LOVE FOR GUY KNOWS NO BOUNDS

This was starting out so philosophical and deep and then ended up...not.

I'm rereading Booster Gold at the moment. I read it about a year ago and have vague memories of most of the issues, except this one! Which is insane because a) Booster has a drinking contest with Jonah Hex and b) Nova's grand plan to kill the doctor who delivered Jonathan Kent's grandfather (or something) is to HAVE BUFFALO MATERIALIZE IN THE AIR AND DROP ON HIS HEAD. Brilliant.

One of these days I have to post my reasons for being deeply in love with Guy Gardner, but I will reveal one of said reasons right now: his fashion sense. His idea of badass is assless chaps and crop tops and his idea of incognito is a bright yellow pimp suit. YES.

Ted had the chaps on hand

I love Cass and Tim together. I don't ship them or anything, but I think they make good friends. Also, I love Cass's costume so much. Hers is my number one favourite costume of all time. Number two is pr

obably Tim's red and black Robin costume, and three is probably Tasky's hoodie costume.

You have no idea how much I wanted Cass's series to turn into a constant Robin/Batgirl teamup. SO MUCH. Sadly, it was too awesome to last.

As a side note, I'm so in love with this art I want to marry it. As another side note, Tim looks disturbingly like Damian here, and then I thought, HOW AWESOME WOULD A CASS/DAMIAN TEAMUP BE? As far as I know this hasn't happened yet, probably because it would end in lots of bloodshed, as those two need a calming influence with them.

Moving on to GUY FRIGGIN GARDNER:

I love this a lot, because General Glory's sidekick looks exactly like Bucky with a really bad bowl cut. Seeing as how General Glory is basically Captain America, I assume this was intentional

. Guy also modelled his haircut after this sidekick's which we can all agree was a SUPREMELY MISGUIDED MOVE.

I thought this was a sweet moment between the two. They don't have enough interaction for my taste. Also, I'm lovin' Guy's hair here. I wish I had a full body shot of his new costume because it is AMAZING. Two words: Assless. Chaps. Also, Ted Kord picked it out or possibly made/bought/had it made for him.

Disco Fever

Look at Tim's arm compared to Kon's! I know Kon's supposed to be Superman's clone but GEEZ, I'm pretty sure Tim gets an ample amount of exercise. His arm is skinner than mine and I have NO muscle tone.

I adore Power Man and Iron Fist, mostly for the camp factor. So imagine how excited I was to see them team up with Dazzler, who instantly adds camp to any comic she's in! What I love most about this, though, is her disbelief: "Somehow I managed to win a fight with three mutants! I mean, I sure don't fucking know how THAT happened, seeing as how my power is to turn sound waves into light waves or some shit. I'm just here to disco."

Moving on: In general, Etrigan's rhymes are hit or miss: either the writers can do his dialogue without narm, or they can't. In Brave and the Bold, I thought JMS did a pretty good job. Except for the following, which I'm not sure is the best or worst of Etrigan's rhymes I've seen:

I'm leaning towards best. Elegant in its simplicity.